ADO - 1
                            15 February 1993
                 Copyright (C) 1993 Homer Wilson Smith
         Redistribution rights granted for non commercial purposes.
     An OVERT is something that you do to another that you later regret
or feel guilty about.  You can regret it either right after it happens,
or later, or even after you die and see what you have done.  Overts lead
to a desire to apologize for the wrong that you did, but often lead to a
fear of punishment resulting in WITHHOLDING the overt and not talking
about it and refusing to give the apology or to make your heartfelt
amends.  This leads to pain within oneself because one feels forbidden
by fear to do what one wants to do and knows is right.
     A MOTIVATOR is something someone does to you that you wish they
would regret or feel guilty about, apologize for and perhaps make amends
for.  Usually however the perpetrator will not-is or justify what they
have done to you which really pisses you off, so you are provoked or
MOTIVATED to commit an overt on them of like kind.  Motivators lead to
retaliation.  Soemthing done to you, leads to you doing something back.
     NOT-ISING means 'it didn't happen', when it did.  Not-ising does
not mean suppressing or forgetting, although these result from
not-ising.  Not-ising simply means and only means 'IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!'.
It's trying to nail something out of existence.  One applies enough
force, hard enough for long enough, to bury out of sight a certain
section of your memory time track.  Then the part just before the event
is connected to the part just after the event to make it look like the
intervening event didn't happen.  If you have headaches you are
not-ising the hell out of something.
     REGRET is a wishing that you had not done something or a wishing
that something had not happened.  It is the effort to UNDO something, to
put the brakes on time, to STOP TIME COLD, to turn time back, to make
the event never have happened.  It results in NOT-ISING the moment of
time in your memory when it did happen.
     JUSTIFICATION is finding something that someone did to you either
before or after what you did to them which you can then use to make
yourself feel better about what you did to them.
     Justification covers the regret and removes the need to apologize
or make amends.  Justifications also stick you for ever more with the
memory of what they did to you because you continue to need it to feel
better about what you did to them.  Justification is a willingness to
trade off feeling eternally guilty for feeling eternally angry.  The
only solution to this mess is a complete confession of the original
overt.  The way to happiness is a true confession.
     If you are unable to find anything the other person did to you that
justifies what you did to them, you will take things they did to you
which DID NOT BOTHER YOU AT THE TIME and suddenly turn them into BIG
DEALS, or you will wait until they DO do something bad enough to you to
justify what you did to them.  If they never do, you will take steps to
PROVOKE them into doing something to you so that you can have your
justification.  Guilt can be very patient and cunning when it comes to
these things.

     A DED is an accidental or intentional overt that you do to someone
else, which is regretted because it has no justification.

     A DEDEX is a motivatior that someone does ot you, that comes long
AFTERWARD the DED that allows you to justify and feel better about the
unconfessed DED.  Usually the DEDEX is something small and otherwise
would have rolled off your shoulders, but because of the earlier DED
screaming for justification, the DEDEX is magnified way out of
proportion to make it big enough to fit the DED it is justifying.  This
is a major deceit.

     DED stands for DEserveD overt, because it wasn't but the being who
committed it is now forever trying to find a reason to make it deserved.

     DEDEX stands for DED EXPOSED, the minor motivator LATER becomes
blown into a huge thing because of the major overt (DED) prior.

     Because of the time and logic reversal, using something later to
justify something earlier, rock solid persistence ensues, and the being
seals his own tomb with a persisting withhold of magnitude.
     If the DEDEX IS as big a the DED, the DED/DEDEX pair can become a
CO EXCUSED WITHHOLD as described below.
     A WITHHOLD is not communicating about something, it's a not talking
about something, a not saying about something, a not wanting others to
know.  A WITHHOLD is also something you are restraining or withholding
your self from doing either for the first time or again.  It usually
results from having done something the first time, regretting it,
wishing you had never done it and swearing to never do it again against
all kinds of forces internal and external pressuring you to do it again.
     A MUTUAL WITHHOLD is when two or more people in a present time
group have the same series of overt acts and withholds.  When such
people act as confessors to each other, they fail to get the other guy's
withhold because they have it themselves.  It's a form of implicit tacit
consent to not talk about some common wrong doing because it isn't even
considered a wrong.
     The Church of Scientology is a massive cesspool of mutual
withholds, people all doing the same wrong thing, but since everyone is
doing it, it's ok and not necessary to confess.

     You don't confess eating breakfast, you don't confess smoking
cigarettes, and you don't confess pressuring people to spend money they
don't have on services.

     A MISSED WITHHOLD is a withhold that you are wondering if others
know you did or not.  It's also a withhold that others almost found out
you did but they didn't find out, a close call, they MISSED IT.  It's a
withhold that has been restimulated but not pulled, that is to say you
were consciously reminded of it, but AGAIN did not get it off your
chest.  MISSED WITHHOLDS result in a constant WONDERING if you have been
found out or will be.  This self induced worry keeps them in chronic
restimulation.  This results from the continuous scanning and
rescanning, without relief, of your mental image pictures of the moment
the withhold was missed to see if you can see if there is any evidence
that the other guy really found out or not.
     A WITHHELD MOTIVATOR is something that someone did to you that you
are not talking about, are not complaining about and don't want anyone
to know about including yourself.  It is silently or even obliviously
suffering an injustice of magnitude.  WITHHELD MOTIVATORS result from
     A CO-EXCUSED WITHHOLD is when someone does to you in this life what
you did to someone like you in a past life.  It's a withheld overt
motivator pair, where BOTH are withheld and have sunk out of sight.
     For example, let's say in this life you are an adorable 3 year old
little boy and one night your mother breaks your father's favorite vase
stumbling around in a drunken stupor.  Later your father comes home and
demands to know who is guilty for this misdemeanor.  Your mother angrily
points the finger at you, and you get a beating.  You scream at your
father that your mother lied to him and really she did it and then he
beats you even more for lying and saying such horrible things about your
wonderful mother.
     It's enough to piss you off, right?  Well that's a motivator and if
that were all there were to it you would keep screaming and yelling
bloody murder until the truth were known, your mother confessed and
amends were made even if it took you 50 years.
     However 2 lifetimes ago, or 20,000 life times ago YOU were such a
drunken mother and you broke your husband's favorite vase, and when he
came home you pointed your finger at your cute little adorable 3 year
old son, and he got the beating of his life, only this time the little
boy died from an accidental head injury at the hands of his father.
     The father is taken away to jail and you are left ALL ALONE with a
ruined future.  You are grief stricken and eventually commit suicide as
you can't stand the sight of yourself.  But in all this you NEVER told
the husband the truth about who broke the vase!  And you hope to hell he
never finds out and you just wish the whole thing would go away.
Needless to say in your future lives, that particular life won't be all
that visible.
     But then in this life you ARE that adorable little 3 year old boy
and this whole scene comes down with your mother blatantly pointing the
finger at you for a crime that she knows god damn well you didn't
commit, and suddenly you feel GUILTY AS HELL.  You are supposed to be
feeling angry at the blunt and crass injustice that your mother is
perpetrating on you but NO!  you feel guilty!  Why?  Because your prior
withhold AS A MOTHER has just been restimulated, you have just been
reminded in no uncertain terms that you are guilty of exactly the same
     Suddenly INSIDE WHERE NO ONE CAN SEE, you are surrounded by the sad
wonderful beauty of the child that you did such wrong to so long ago,
you remember instinctively that there was DEATH involved when YOU did
it, and right at this moment you are not so sure how the present scene
is all going to work out.
     In the moment of your anger at the present time injustice coming
your way, you are also in the middle of your guilt for the past track
injustice you sent your child's way.  At this moment you say QUIETLY to
yourself and your parents, 'Well if you guys EXCUSE me for what I did
long ago, I will EXCUSE you for what you are doing to me now.' You see
there is a NO COMMUNICATION on this, it's a 'if you won't talk about
what I did, I won't talk about what you are doing.'
     Thus you take your beating QUIETLY, not a whimper out of you, and
you go to your room afterwards like a well chastened little boy who took
his punishment like a man, but who got away with murder anyhow.
     Your anger at your mother as a little boy in this life is balanced
by your guilt AS a mother ABOUT a little boy in a past life, and both
feelings sink together into numbness, apathy and oblivion.  You just
wish the whole thing would go away.
     Thus in later years you look back on your parents with great
fondness wondering at what wonderful people they were and HOW LUCKY YOU
WERE TO HAVE THEM.  However you can no longer feel love or hate, anger
or regret, you can't cry and you can't remember a thing.  And your past
lives are gone to you, and eventually you come to think you live but
once and die, longing for the peace of annihilation.
     Your attitude is exactly, 'Who would want to live forever?'
     You have had quite time enough for love.

     For you love = anger + regret + failed apology.
     You see every time you feel anger for your mother for the rude
things she did to you, you also feel love for the little boy you did in
on the past track.  Every time you feel anger at your mother in this
life time you feel regret AS a mother for that same past lifetime.  I
mean YOU are still walking around, that is more than you can say for
YOUR little boy so many life times ago, right?  So your feeling is that
you should let bygones be bygones lest you be reminded, by fighting your
own present time injustices, that you are guiltier in your own mind from
a past life than anyone could ever possibly be towards you in this life.
     Co-excused withholds are the sole source of the deteriorization of
the mental health, happiness and stability of an individual, Co-excused
withholds make your future seem DARK and your memory GONE.
     Co-excused withholds ARE DED/DEDEX sequences with the exception
that the being smiles through the DEDEX rather than complains bitterly.
and hopes both DED and DEDEX sink quietly and unnoticed into oblivion.
They become skeletons in the whole track closet.

     One way to run them in session is as follows.
     'Get the idea of withholding anger in this life.'
     'Get the idea of withholding regret in a past life.'
     'Who do you still want to murder?'
     'Are you refusing an apology?'
     'What has a mother done to you as a son in this life?'
     'What have you done as a mother to a son in a past life?'
     'What has a father done to you as a daughter in this life?'
     'What have you done as a father to a daughter in a past life?'
     'What question did your parents make you forget in this life?'
     'What question did you make your child forget in a past life?'
     Of course at first you are going to get all sorts of things the
person is just screaming mad at his parents for, oh they did this to him
and they did that to him etc etc.  But THESE are not what is wrong with
him because he is yelling about them so loud.
     A co-excused withhold is QUIET.
     A co-excused withhold is a WITHHELD MOTIVATOR.  He's not talking
about it, he doesn't want you talking about it, and he doesn't even know
he's not talking about it any more.  He doesn't know how hard he has
been hit because he doesn't want anyone to know how hard he has hit
     That's why you can't remember being a baby, or walking around in
diapers, or learning to talk, or suckling on your mother's breast or
even your bottle.  THAT area is RIFE with deadly quiet co-excused
withholds, and that area is where you will find the sources of your
headaches, eyeglasses, lack of memory, despair, black future, and one
life outlook.
     What blacker future can their be than in a grave as worm food?
That's not your fate, that's the fate of the shell of your body.  Even
your body's millions of genetic entities get another life, you all do.
     Eternal consciousness can not die.  So cheer up.

     But you can't cheer up unless you cough up.
     And besides the material part of your body WANTS to be worm food.
It's a form a usefulness to the cycle of nature.
     So look to those areas that you can't remember in this life.  Each
one will be balanced by an area you can't remember in a past life.  You
can't remember HAVING a mother and BEING a baby?  Well then you also
can't remember BEING a mother and HAVING a baby.
     They say we all have a cross to bear.  That's it.
     Of course fathers do bad things to their sons too and mothers do
bad things to their daughters.  But the cross sex charge is very
important.  One reason you can't get out of your body is because 'I am a
boy and I have NEVER been a girl', or 'I am a girl and I have NEVER been
a boy.' This also accounts for much of the loss of your whole track
memory.  Half of it is of the opposite sex to that which you are now
hiding in.  And a good deal of it is memory of in between lives where
you were neither boy nor girl studying the mess you had made as a boy
and a girl.
     You are not a body, you are IN a body pretending to BE a body.

     It is one thing to have, own and control bodies, or to permeate one
or more bodies completely, it is quite another to think you ARE a body.
That's like the TV thinking it is a horse in the TV show.
     Once you run off the co-excused anger and regret between being a
son with a mother in this life and being a mother with a son in a past
life, or being a daughter with a father in this life and being a father
with a daughter in a past life, you suddenly KNOW that you have been
both sexes.
     Thus you realize very quickly that you are not only a trans life
time being, but also a trans sex being, and this leads to easier
exteriorization from your present body and its present lifetime.  It
also allows you easier interiorization into other bodies or other BEINGS
of your choice of any sex.  It allows you to BE others because you are
willing to BE yourself, who you were and who you will be.
     You can be the baby or you can be the mother throwing it out the
window.  As long as YOUR OWN HANDS are clean in the matter and your
confessions kept up to date, you can come and go into any one else's
scene that you might find as you please.
     It becomes just so much universe going on to you.  As long as you
are not guilty yourself in the matter you can even pass through it
without any convulsive need to DO anything about it.  You couldn't
possibly DO anything about everything bad going on in the universe
anyhow, and in fact it is this necessity to DO something about
everything bad in the universe that prevents you from wandering freely
through it.  It's just too much of an overload and you know it.  Better
to park yourself in a head and stay there, at least you have an excuse
for not being able to clean up everything there is.
     Theoretically this would ultimately lead to being able to travel in
space AND TIME anywhere in the universe at will merely by moving there,
as there is no where, no when, and no one, you would be unwilling to be
or have been.
     You can also be more than one person or being at once if you can
span it.
     Do you want to live forever?
     How about if you could rest for as long as you liked when ever you
wanted to in Eternal sleep?
Homer Wilson Smith           This file may be found at    
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