> Having been in Scn for 30 years (and now out for 2 years), (yeah, I'm an
> idiot)

     No.  Consider it paying your dues and a trial by fire.

> I now wonder what can be achieved through processing. It appears that
> dispite all you have done you don't find yourself in very good shape or
> maybe I'm just reading reposts that are out of date. It sounds like you have
> had a ton of auditing/solo or am I mistaken? Are you still processing your
> case in PT?

      All the auditing I have gotten from others has been 90 percent a 
waste of time, EXCEPT that when I start making real case gain, all those 
prior communication cycles start to work.  Its an interesting phenomenon 
but well noted by Hubbard.  NO auditing is not a waste of time, as long as 
SOME auditing eventually comes around and does something real.  Then all 
the wasted cycles complete and the prior case gain suddenly appears out of 

     Yes I am auditing full time, I am at monotony on the tone scale
physically, lots of pain, sleep is terrible, sleep is probably the
most deadly thing in the world next to fumes for me.  40 percent
of my daily auditing is undoing the damage of sleep/dreams, and
getting back to where I was the night before, before I went to sleep.

     Spiritually I am at hysteria, shock, catatonia and oblivion, with
mild trips down to criminality, disassociation, disconnection and
failed unexistance :)  Especially when confronted by stupid auditors
bringing me stupid auditing.

> I too am an entrepreeur, a computer programmer. I was reading your recent
> post about Lightlink being on the edge and your desire to do something else.

      Yeah I am in the middle a huge elsewhereness, tired of losing
money, but also tired of not being able to breath the air outside,
fumes, diesel, wood smoke, lawn mowing, barbequeing, you name it.  I
live in a pretty clean corner of reality here, but one block away and I
might as well be working in the tar pits.

      The thought of working for a zombie zoner makes we want to kill
myself, so I hang on to my starving entrepreneur valence with all I got.

> I find myself in similar circumstances. What should I do now.... My life at
> the moment is a mess, but I'm slowly coming out of the pit I've dug in
> recent years.
>> From reading your essays I feel we are kindred spirits.
> I'd like to know more about what all this has done for you personally.

      Well I would like to have 'well and happy human being.'

      It isn't necessary to know the answers to all the burning questions
of the world in order to feel good just breathing, even if all your
friends are hanging on crosses for as far as you can see and screaming
to die.

      It is however necessary to be able to deal with those burning
questions, so you don't kill yourself over the fact you don't have
answers, like what the hell I am doing here?

     And now that I am here, what the hell should I be doing.

     I been running a LOT of

     What NO   false purpose is there?
     What SOME false purpose is there?
     What NO   true purpose is there?
     What SOME true purpose is there?

     It has molted into simply,

     What NO   purpose is there?
     What SOME purpose is there?

     The questions in the commands are rhetorical only, as a solo auditor
I know not to actually try to answer the question, but to merely ask
them.  Its the running of the NO, the not-is on the purposes, that
releases the tension and pain surrounding them.

     Prior to that group I was running

     Spot NO   promotion.
     Spot SOME promotion.

     I am basically in non existence with the world, and thus the formula
is to promote, promote, promote.

     But promote what?

     And not promote what?

     This is powerful stuff as it takes the being right up to promotion, 
prediction, activity, production, result, correction, ability, and 
purposes, clearing and realization, whatever the hell those last 3 are.

     But action in other words.

     But action for who?  We are all still trying to keep the damn body 
alive, so we are enslaved to its up keep.  Now that's not inherently a 
problem, I keep 6 cats alive just fine thank you, and they repay me by 
showing me what body life should be :)

     But the problem is I need to USE the body to create that
survival, I don't have to USE my cats to create their survival.

     So there is a lot of resentment on the part of my body etc.

     It can barely breath, or walk straight, and dives for cover
at the slightest whiff of fumes.

     And keeping bodies alive is about as low as it goes in the garden
of life, although its OK for a prison job.

     That said, the condition I am in presently is WAY better than
the condition I was in say 2 years ago when I was truly desperate,
and things were so solid a chain saw couldn't cut them.

     I think it all started to turn around when I started running
THE UNDUPLICATABLE INTENTION of about two summers ago.

     Now having discovered running all items with NO and SOME,
its actually cleaning up, as if NO and SOME was the secret
to the universe all along.

     It even runs without specific items at all!

     Get the idea,

     There is NO   item.
     There is SOME item.

     This is all described in detail in the last 50 postings
in my archives.

> Maybe a lot of people bug you about this stuff. I don't know. But I would
> like to talk to you if you are willing. And we are two Smiths after all :)

     Any time, better to get me in the afternoon, any time after
2pm.  607 227 5465 is my cell.  Call me and I will call you back.

> If not, I'll plug along the path I see before me, which at present is to do
> TROM as a starter.

     TROM inspired a good deal of stuff from me, I ran it for a long time, 
in the end it didn't touch my Black V condition, where NO/SOME has started 
to turn on pictures, both horrific and beautific.

     69 is worth reading, as it was where I was when I ran into trom,
and the rest followed in short order.

> Either way, I want to tell you that your writings are
> very much appreciated by this I-AM. "The Proof" pulled everything come
> together for me with clarity. I see what the gurus are pointing to, what
> Hubby was looking for, and all the other seekers on this road. I guess being
> an "engineering" type it just didn't crystalize until someone laid it out as
> you have. The experience of seeing what you are saying there is a real
> mind-opener indeed. You rock!

      Well someone or something rocks.  Thanks for the comments.

      But I got it all from Hubbard and Guru Maharaji, and who knows who
the hell else is pouring stuff into my ever more than slightly cracked

      But yeah, Hubbard said the world was a dream, Maharaji said the
world was a theory, the Buddhists said the world was maya, and so I
thought you know if the world is a dream, there MUST be some way to
prove it.  For I knew I was certain of the dream, and symbol does not
prove referent.  Thus if the world was not a dream, there would never
ever be a way to know for sure.

      Everything followed after that, too much APL and CMS vm\370.

      Homer (cp link 191 ...) Smith.

> Wishing you health and prosperity,
Sat Oct 23 20:20:22 EDT 2010