SCI - 19
                 Copyright (C) 1992 Homer Wilson Smith
       Redistribution rights granted for non commercial purposes.
>>     Or they will tell you about the 'long road to OT', which is really
>>funny because the road to OT is exactly about 3 feet long.
David: Sternlight
>Details, please.
     Be 3 feet back of your head.

     The difference between an OT and a human being is willingness.
     As an OT moves into the human state he creates for himself
unwillingness, death, pain, suffering, unjustice, nightmare, loss,
departure, reversal, sadness, anger, fear, sorrow and apathy.
     The distance between an OT and a human therefore is exactly one
decision, the decision to become human.
     When the human tries to return to the OT state he runs into this
accumulated wall of unwillingness, the wall of fire so to speak.  It's
the accumulated disgruntledness of his soul with things as they are.
     This wall is the only thing separating him as a human from his
willingness as an OT to have BECOME a human.
     And remember that what he has done to himself ain't nothing
compared to what other's have done to themselves.
     EVERYONE is an OT who became human on his own self determinism.
     Part of what keeps him interiorized is an unwillingness to be
others as they are.
     But this is just more unwillingness.
     He is unwilling to be THEIR unwillingness.
     Each person finds their own cross the most comfortable.
     When a human tries to go OT again, tries to take responsibility
back for his condition as a human, tries to regain reoperability of that
decision to become human, he runs smack into that wall of unwillingness.
     'Who ME?  CHOOSE to be here?  Yeah right.'
     'No way, man.'
     The wall of unwillingness knocks him flat on his face.
     If you try to press some people on the matter, they will try to
hurt YOU, until you admit that you didn't choose to be here either.
     So then he decides that maybe he had better get some auditing from
someone who has already broken through to the other side.
     Of course THOSE people are too busy becoming human again to bother
- they tell him, 'you have it lucky, you are already there, what are you
complaining about?'
     So you gotta find someone who is sort of half way there, someone
who can still sympathize with your desire to get out but who have
themselves managed to get more than half way out.
     The wall of unwillingness is the accumulation of all the things
that you wish had not been but were, or wished had been but weren't.  It
is all your cursing and stomping, and wishing murder off on those you
consider to blame, including your parents, God, the Devil and space and
time and solidity themselves.
     The wall is all your efforts to not-is the pain and wrongs and
injustices, all your efforts to kill others by killing yourself, and
your efforts to kill yourself by killing others.
     It is all your efforts to put something where there is nothing, and
to put nothing where there is something.  ANY reality is better than the
true reality.
     PC's run into the wall in session all the time.
     'No way man, I didn't create this, I WOULDN'T have created this
even if I could have, and I will kill the person who did.'
     Those are the auditable pcs.
     Below that you get 'God is good, life is good...' etc.
     They question clearing technology because it violates what ever
safe views they have saddled themselves with to suffer the insufferable.
     They are a 'What Wall?' case.
     The wall is endlessly complex but it's whole problem is only one
     'I didn't make this.'
     The purpose of auditing is to get the pc bit by bit to FIND the
wall, and to confront it layer by layer until he can get a hold on the
whole thing and say,
     'You know I DID make this, what do you know.  Here's another one!'
     What usually happens at this point is the person exteriorizes into
a high state of keyed out OT.  He spends some time in that state and
slowly settles back into being a human being for the rest of his life.
     But he is doing it from the top down now, he KNOWS he is
responsible for his condition, and in fact he is again MAKING that
     He starts to regain ability, because he once again is making
     Thetans are naturally ABLE.  It doesn't take anything to create an
ability because natively he's already got it.  It's in crafting these
inabilities that thetans really excel and which eventually gets him into
     And that is one of the primary abilities he regains, the crafting
of optimum inability and unwillingness.
     And THAT is happiness.
     He has to kind of go to sleep in his own dream though...