X. wrote:
>Let's "what if" a little.  What if this really is a prison planet like some 

     Recent visions indicate something on the order of this might be
true, although 'prison' sort of understates it, immortal tomb might be
more like it.

>And the process necessary to get out of the prison planet is to 
>run the process called life.  

     I agree that 'life' is a process on the order of a CCH, 'you look
at that ..., you deal with it!'

     However many people such as myself are almost 100 percent out of
valence, in the tomb so to speak.

     The primary effort is to not know something so hard we no longer
know we are not knowing it.  Having just lifted myself one micro
angstrom above the stone slab I call myself, I have some reality on this
at the moment.  Don't know what I am not knowing, but man I sure know I
am not knowing, and I can SEE how the breaking of the tomb causes the
pain I am in.

     So the problem is, in the meantime, I am not in valence, I am being
something 'else' than myself, so what I am, where I am, what I am doing,
being and wanting, is all a shab substitute for what I really am, should
be doing, wanting and being.

     The life of a zombie in a grave is not the same as the life of a
living being in free space.
     My whole life is so off course, I can't even remember where I was
originally going, or what I was originally capable of.

     So that leaves me running a 'life' that is actually productive of
very little case gain, its mostly a grind, because its not my real life,
its a substitute.

     This sham of a life has accumulated losses, engrams, oppositions,
problems, overts, withholds etc, which when audited only make me worse
because its making a false life better.  The stronger I get, the more
the tomb cracks, the worse the pain, suffocation, sensitivity to fumes,
hoplessness and despair, etc.

     It's like I got into auditing wanting to get out of my wooden
coffin, but now I see that I got a whole fucking pyramid on top of me.

>Auditing and processing veers off from the 
>person actually doing the process "life" because there are parts of life 
>that are difficult to confront.  So if I am not "in PT" when I do the 
>dishes, I might miss getting food off, scald myself with the hot water, or 
>cut myself on the glasses.  Do I need to go have someone run book and 
>bottle for 25 hours?  For a long time, I thought so.  But no, I need to do 
>what I am doing while I am doing it, I need to wash the dishes when I am 
>washing the dishes, I need to do the process that is life, live it while I 
>am living it.

     At some level this makes sense, but if life alone were enough to
release a soul into salvation we would have all been saved a long time
ago.  Only deepest apathy thinks things are fine as they are.

     Life can be lived with true communication or false communication,
it is the intent and direction of auditing to get the person to stop
living the false life and start living the true life.

     Just like trying to not know so hard we don't know we are doing it
any more, we can live a dead life and not know it any more, cuz we are
dead but still moving.

     A guy gets up in the morning, walks out into the sunshine,
stretches his arms, smells the roses, and feels "Ah what a wonderful
day" and he thinks he is alive.  No, he is dead, perhaps having a near
life experience.
     He is living the dead life and thinking it is the alive life,
certainly the only life there is or could be for him.
     If a person is being careful and watching themselves while they
cook, this is a good thing, but if they are doing it while sustaining a
false life, in the end the ship is sinking anyhow, and whatever gain
they get from running the CCH's of cooking diligently will be washed
away in the torrent when the ship goes under.

     It's like I get up in the morning, I answer all the phone calls,
get people on line, take care of my machines and services, follow my
duties religiously, make a lot of money, expand with more business than
I can handle, and you know what, every single night when I go to bed I
am more empty than empty can be.

     I wake up in the morning, and I feel a despair like "Oh my God I am
on death row, and my scheduled execution is next week."

     Why is this?  Lack of Jesus?  Undoutedly.  But more to the point:


     You see, I am trying to wake up as a square peg in a round hole.

     It takes 3 hours *EVERY SINGLE MORNING* before I can release the
despair and nausea and suffocation of sleep before I can feel "Oh whew,
I am just in prison, and my parole is in 40 years, and I got the best
prison job on the planet, let's get to it!"

     Well how come I am so damn good at being an ISP then?

     Because I run the CCH's of life on what I got, but its cooking in
the tomb in the end, its not getting out of the tomb.

     I got the best prison job on the planet, making lots of money,
people love me, they call me 'God' to my face, I got all the free time
in the world to audit and get auditing, I can work when I want and not
work when I want, I work at home, never have to go anywhere or answer to
anybody, I got people falling over themselves to work for me.

     But no I am not going to die a happy man, I am going to die
starving to death, in every conceivable meaning of the word.
     And I hate every god damn second of it.

     But its all I am, its everything I have, I AM this thing, and its
false.  So auditing this thing is a waste of time except to the end of
cleaning up the problems I might have making it harder than it needs to

     Then we gotta get down to brass tacks and start auditing the being
still lying in its mausoleum.  But that being is *DEAD* and doesn't even
know it!

     That being will make you dinner, dance with you, screw with you,
pay you for auditing, be charming, witty, even show some shallow head
talk understanding of what condition it is in, it certainly isn't going
to help you, it has no effort of its own to help with, except to
dramatize overwhelming itself into total not know about overwhelming
itself, and being charming and civilized in the process.
     So how you going to audit it?  Run 'you look at that wall!'?  The
wall that it needs to look at is not the tomb wall it can see, because
it can't see the real tomb wall any more, its a 'no tomb' case.

     It knows there is a wall, but ITS GOT NO CLUE, you tell it to look
at the tomb wall, and it just won't look at the wall that needs to be
looked at BECAUSE IT CAN'T.

     And as for whether Homer wants to be helped or not, just ask Enid.

     You are right I don't want to be saved by those that are not
themselves saved but who think they are.  I don't want to be helped to
be more able to wash the walls of the tomb.

     Having seen (finally) the unbelievable enormity of the undertaking
I have started out on, I am willing to accept all the help I can get.
However self complacent fools need not apply.

     As for earlier similars, there are earlier BIGGERS.  Going back
life after life after life of the same old same old might work, and it
might not, probably won't unless it gets into the BIGGERS.

     But the charge on birth *DEFINITELY* inter tangles with charge on
mortal death, which *DEFINITELY* inter tangles with the charge on
IMMORTAL death, which *DEFINITELY inter tangles with something even
bigger and badder that is *UTTERLY* beyond me and which I do not have
*PERMISSION* to run yet.

     Auditing Permission / No permission is quite productive.

     But in the end its all now, and the bigger it gets, the less
*earlier* it becomes, so one eventually has to outgrow the model, and
get down to running the charge because once the mind is gone, there *IS*
no model, all there is, is a free being mocking up stupid models to
entomb itself with.