.ll 72
.fo off
.co on 
.ce ((Editor's comments in double parenthesis - Homer))
.ce ADR - 239
.ce Copyright (C) Homer Wilson Smith
.ce Redistribution rights granted for non commercial purposes
======================================================================== 139
Date:         Mon, 19 Jun 89 23:25:22 EDT
From:         Homer 
Subject:      Mortal Fury
To:           adore-l@ualtavm

     Why do I have to put up with people telling me I 'believe' in
Immortality becausse I am afraid of Mortality?

     Why am I not free to say I KNOW I am Immortal because I can
REMEMBER being so without all the assholes in the world
going PROVE it?  I can't prove it to them with out getting
THEM to remember, and they have chosen not to remember just as I had.

     It took courage and confront to over come my asshole.
Yet these douchebags expect me to prove and do stunts for
them as if it were no accomplishment at all or just some
silly delusion.

     Why am I not allowed to just kick these pieces of shit
human beings off this list and never hear from them again?

     The first words out of their mouths is that I AM AFRAID of
DEATH and there fore UNLIKE THEM I have broken and chosen a false
alternative reality to delude myself with.

     These people have no proof for their assertions yet
they claim them as if it were the gospel.  And then they get
on my case for getting mad at them.

     The truth is I am afraid of IMMORTALITY.  Especially one
that lead me to be MORTAL for even a moment.

     The mortal self-assured scum bags on this list who
give me such grief cant even concieve of being afraid
of Immortality.  THEY arn't afraid of such a thing now are they?

     They WANT to be Immortal.  They think it would be just grand.
They just want PROOF.

     The thing is if you give it to them, they go crazy and start
killing people trying to get the Eternal Monster off their backs.

     Such people are better left in chains until they show
some maturity and some awareness of the ENORMITY of the Immortal

     But why does it piss me off so?  Why did I create a list
where I could be hasseled by such putritudinous mentalities?

     Having faced death at least 3 times in the process of recovering
my memory I now have to listen to these piles of shit state with
such maturity what a coward I am in believing all this horsewash.

    I mean is this what I did all this work for?  Is this what
I share my experiences with others for trying to help them?
Just to be called a craven coward, with paranoid delusions of Divine
Grandeur who cant confront the grave (I cant) and so created
a fairy tale land of make believe.

     It is this kind of crap that set me off on the SKEPTICS-L list,
better called the SEPTICS-L list.  Then these self righteous
little scum bags have the nerve to pronounce that because I have
stated that there is a way out and HOW TO GET THERE, I now OWE them to
PROVE it by showing that I have gotten out myself.

     Yet they make no efforts to walk out the open door themselves.

     Or if they fail one or two times, they have no insight into the
underlying fundamental correctness of what I am saying nor do they keep
trying, maybe to improve on the words that act as the Golden Key.

     How many times have I tried and failed?  I have doing this for
16 fucking years.  16 years of heart break and terror and uncertainty
and near death experiences just trying to remember one god damn breakfast
or two in a past life.  What I ended up recovering was a story so
wild and painful that now I see why there is no trace of it.

     But I lived through it just to have people call me a fucking
coward?  They deserve the grave they hold to so dear.
I can feel some solace in that.  They will go to the grave
believing in it up to the very last moment, and then will do
it again and again life after life.  Ever want someone to die
more than once.  Hell it happens all the time.

    Its called life buster, and you are part of it.  You can stay
in it or you can leave.  But not by screaming PROVE it.  If the guy
wants to prove it, he just might, but chances are you would regret
it later.  The PROOF is a bit much.  As much as Eternity itself.

     From ADORE,

     For the TRUE-LIES will FREE you,
     To OPERATE as you KIND.

     Big deal.  If I were to ever find such a 'spring phrase',
one that sprang the lock on my trap, would there be ANYONE
seriously interested in sharing it with me, someone who would
not say I was a COWARD and just THOUGHT I was out, when really I
could not CONFRONT that the PRISON is FOREVER.

     If I say 'But I SEE the SUN and the BLUE SKY', they will
only say I am lying to myself.  But if I try to get THEM to walk
out the door, they will say 'There is NO DOOR, so I can not walk
out of it.'  Yet here I am.

     I used to think prisons were made of walls.  Now I know
that prisons are made of the people I inside the walls.

    It was the people imprisoned with me
that made my sojourn here so bad.

     I wish them all the evil that can come their way.

     Once I am out I will offer one and all exactly one chance to follow.
Those that scream 'craven coward' or 'show us proof' may rot
in hell forever for free.

     And periodically in my long Eternity of Freedom I will reflect upon
them in their hole with deep satisfaction.

     But I will not again offer them the key.  They will have
to find it themselves.

     Which they will.

     But by then I will be deep involved in some other game again.

     Tragedy and Travesty, Romance and Sin,
     Miracles in Majesty, that's where I've been,

     Miracles and Majesty, Romance and Song,
     Tragedy and Travesty, that's where I've gone...

 Homer               adore-l@ualtavm      6/20/89 Mortal Fury