FIRST HELLOS AND LAST GOODBYES ADO - 9 18 July 1993 Copyright (C) 1993 Homer Wilson Smith Redistribution rights granted for non commercial purposes. ((This post is written in the assertive form, be careful to not take strength of assertion as assurance of Truth. If you can't handle the assertion, take it as fantasy. But please make sure you UNDERSTAND what is being said, even if you don't 'believe' a word of it. Let me reword that, I didn't write this, I SCRIBED this from a little birdie chirping in my ear. Personally I don't believe a word of it. So if you manage to read the whole thing, consider yourself trolled.)) PREAMBLE "Life is a series of Hellos and Goodbyes, kind of like a train running past station after station. You say hello to the station, then you say goodbye to the station. The problem is you get attached to each station when you say hello to it, so it rips your heart out when you pass it by." -Unknown HIGH FREQUENCY aka HF "I have a cat that is dyin', and I can't stop cryin', and The Good Lord is sighin', and Tellin' me I gotta stop lyin', if I ever want to go flyin', Again." THE KITTY CAT RUNDOWN Run Precious, fragile, unique and ephemeral until you and the rest of the world run out of Kleenex. Homer ((This posting is long, it was written and added to repeatedly over many many years. It is probably 3 complete postings in one. Thus you will have to take multiple breaks somewhere in the middle of it. It also repeats itself over and over again, as if it could never get its message across. So it tries and tries yet again many years apart. Ah well, number of times through equals certainty, I always say. Near the very end the message gets very clear.)) PART 1 ENGRAMS AND SECONDARIES An engram is a moment of loss through physical injury, pain and unconconsciousness of one degree or another. A secondary is a moment of loss through death, departure or reversal of survival assets, such as loved ones, usually resulting in negative emotion spanning from Antagonism down through Sorrow to Apathy. Secondaries do not contain physical injury or pain unless they are a part of an engram, but always contain emotional pain and awareness of survival diminishment. Engrams can heal leaving only the engram behind as a subconscious memory. Secondaries rarely heal, and they restimulate engrams which tend to stay in restimulation as long a the secondary is not audited out. When we talk about sorrow below, we are talking about secondaries. HOW TO RUN ENGRAMS AND SORROW Running engrams will often release lots of sorrow, and running sorrow will often release engrams that blow off like shooting pains and fireworks, or pains that move around the body over time. Engrams run from late to early, and secondaries (anger, guilt, regret, fear, numb, sorrow and apathy) run from early to late. That means you have to run later engrams before earlier engrams will run to full erasure. The earliest engram on the chain is the basic (first) engram on the chain which may be in a past life. Thus the auditor always tries for the earliest engram that is accessible to run first, but may not be able to complete it, until even earlier engrams are also run. Likewise you have to run earlier secondaries before later secondaries will run to full erasure. The latest secondary on the chain is the basic (last) secondary on the chain, which may be in the future, or even a future life. Thus the auditor always tries for the latest secondary that is accessible to run first, but may not be able to complete it, until later secondaries are also run. Later unrun engrams HIDE earlier unrun engrams, but the earlier an engram is, the easier it is to run out once it starts running, which is why if an engram hangs up during running, you look for the now unhidden earlier engram. Once you find the basic (first) engram on the chain, you erase it and then come forward to all the later engram incidents that would not lift completely until the earliest basic was run. Sorrows run exactly the opposite. Earlier unrun secondaries HIDE later unrun secondaries, but the later a secondary is, the easier it is to run it out once it starts running, which is why if a secondary hangs up during running, you look for the now unhidden later secondary. The later a sorrow is, the easier it is to run out, which is why you need to get the late life sorrows first, MOST IMPORTANTLY THE FUTURE SORROWS that haven't happened yet but which the preclear knows WILL happen one day. "How will it be on the last day?" When running a sorrow, if it hangs up, you need to look for LATER sorrows until the basic (last) on the chain is reached, at which point you will be able to run the earlier ones that wouldn't run until the latest ones are gone. STARTING THE CASE So when you first start a case, you scout around for the earliest engram that will run, and the latest sorrow that will run. Then you run the engram chain earlier similar until it hangs and refuses to run any more. Then you run the secondary chain later similar until it hangs and refuses to run any more. (Can't get any more sorrow). Then you will find the engram chain will run again until it hangs again, Then you run the secondary chain again until it hangs. Do this repeatedly, until the secondary chain goes clear on the latest or most future incident, and then run all the partially run earlier secondaries that were touched but not erased. Then run the engram chain until it goes clear on the earliest or most past incident, and run all the partially run later engrams that were touched but not erased. At that point you can scout for another chain of engrams and secondaries and run them back and forth to clear. Once there are no more engram or secondary chains to run, the preclear is clear as a whole. FUTURE SORROWS The best time to get the death of a loved one or other loss, is LONG before happens, during first conception of death on the matter. When a person new to dianetics tries to run his own or another's case, he usually tries to run it backwards. Engrams erase from late to early, so they will try to run late life engrams first and won't go near the early ones, pre speech, birth, prenatal, between lives, past lives, before bodies and past universes. Like engrams, the person will usually try to erase secondaries backwards too. Secondaries erase from early to late, so he will give you an early sorrow first, but they won't lift. So you try to find the LATER sorrows until you come to the latest one on the chain. Once you erase that one, you then have to go back down the chain to the earlier sorrows to clean up all the ones that wouldn't lift until the latest one was erased. Running sorrows (secondaries) will throw you into engrams, running engrams will throw you into sorrows. When an engram won't lift, you look for an EARLIER engram. If that doesn't work you look for a LATER sorrow. When a sorrow won't lift you look for a LATER or FUTURE sorrow. If that doesn't work you look for an EARLIER engram. This is NOT the way it is written in the book, so hold on to your seats. You ask the person, 'Is there an incident available for running?' Say he gives you an engram. You run it for a bit and it stops releasing. So you look for an earlier engram. You find one and run that one for a while. It stops releasing. You ask for an earlier engram, he can't find one. (Don't forget to ask for earlier beginnings too or wrong durations, I won't be mentioning it again. This posting assumes you know R3R standard Dianetic running procedure.) So you ask for a later secondary: anger, guilt, regret, no sympathy, sympathy, resentment, propitiation, unexpression, fear, numb, sorrow, apathy, loss etc. He gives you one and you run that for a while. It stops running, so you ask him for an LATER secondary. He gives you one. You run it for a while, it stops running. You ask for a later secondary, he says no. (Don't forget to ask for later endings, and wrong durations, I won't be mentioning it again.) You then ask him for an earlier engram. He gives you one and you run it for a while. It stops running. You ask him for an earlier engram, he says no. You ask him for a later sorrow (even a future sorrow!) and he gives you one. You run that for a while and it jams. You ask him for another later secondary and he gives you one. Suddenly that one runs really well and erases. NOW you ask him for a EARLIER secondary. You are going to clean up the ones you touched trying to find the later one. He gives you one and it erases. Then another earlier secondary and it erases. Finally he gives you the earliest sorrow on this secondary chain and it erases. The sorrow chain is now gone. But the engram chain underlying the secondary chain still needs to be completed. So you ask him for an earlier engram and he gives you one. You run it for a while and it jams. You ask him for an earlier engram and he gives you one. Suddenly that one runs really well and erases. THAT was basic on that chain of engrams! NOW you ask him for a LATER engram. You are going to clean up the ones you touched trying to find the earlier basic one. He gives you one and it erases. Then another later engram and it runs and erases. Then another later engram and it runs and erases. Then he gives you the latest engram on that chain of engrams and it erases. The engram chain is now gone. Thus the two intertwined chains of engrams and secondaries are fully erased. If a chain jams, it is usually because you are not going in the right direction on the chain, EARLIER into the past for engrams and LATER into the future for secondaries. *INTO THE FUTURE FOR SECONDARIES* Death and loss begin to weigh on our heart when first conceived, not when they finally happen. Your preclear is WAITING FOR THE INEVITABLE LOSS, rather than putting it there. Thus the passage of time dumps charge in the loss every moment the preclear is cringing and flinching about it. While you are still looking for the earliest engram and the latest sorrow you will touch many engrams and sorrows on the way that will partially erase but not lift completely. Once you find the latest sorrow (maybe a future life or universe) and it erases completely, you then need to touch upon and erase all the earlier sorrows you partially erased while coming up the line to the latest sorrow. The same thing goes for engrams. Once you find the earliest engram (often a past existence engram) and it erases completely, you then need to touch upon and erase all the later engrams you partially erased while going down the line to the earliest engram. Thus with sorrows, you come up the line finding sorrows until you find the latest sorrow which is the basic on the chain of sorrows, and erase it completely. 'Basic' usually means the first incident on a chain, but with sorrows its different, because the latest sorrow on the chain is the one that needs to be run. Then you go back down the line cleaning up what is left of all the earlier sorrows you touched on that chain until you reach the earliest sorrow on that chain, and that whole chain of sorrows blows. The latest sorrow on the chain is the basic on the chain. The latest sorrow on any serious chain of sorrows is almost always in the far distant future. "How is it going to be in 10 million years?" With engrams, you go down the line finding engrams until you find the earliest engram which is the basic on the chain, and erase it completely. Then you come back up the line cleaning up what is left of all the later engrams you touched on that chain until you reach the latest engram on the chain and the whole chain blows. Yes, there may also be future engrams that need to be run! The earliest engram on the chain is the basic on the chain. The earliest engram on any serious chain of engrams is almost always in the far distant past. Theoretically if you do this right, the case should unravel, constantly handing you the next thing to run with little effort at finding them. The file clerk knows this, and if it is in good shape it will hand you what you need in good shape and proper order. If you make the file clerk wrong or second guess it, good luck. Ask the file clerk mechanism of the bank, "Give me the next incident necessary to resolve your case," "Snap!" of fingers. The instant response should be the right one for a well performing preclear whose file clerk isn't buried in entities forcing it to give wrong incidents all the time, or who are too pissed at the auditor to give him anything. The file clerk IS an entity cluster, so grant it beingness and livingness and treat it like the best friend you ever had. This is called running Whole Track Dianetics, where it is fully understood that Whole Track means past, present and future. If running future secondaries seems strange to you, just keep reading. Just as a note to clear up confusion, a secondary is any moment of antagonism, anger, guilt, regret, fear, numb, sorrow or apathy, or actually any tone between Antagonism 2.0 and Spiritual Death at -400.0. TONE SCALE http://www.clearing.org/cgi/archive.cgi?/electra/tone.memo WHY RUN SORROW? Because suppressed negative emotion keeps engrams in restimulation. Memories of actual physical damage are used to warn of moments of potential damage through loss of survival assets. So mother leaving father restimulates a whole track time when you starved to death because mother did leave father. Or a time YOUR kid starved to death (his engram) when you as the mother left father. Other people's engrams that you have caused them are just as restimulable as your own engrams that others caused you. For example anger and fear incidents are just as powerful as sorrow incidents. We take anything we can get from the file clerk, but we go for sorrow incidents, particularly uncried sorrow, because sorrow incidents are of key importance in a preclear's case as they are the last effort to communicate that something is wrong. Sorrow is encysted love. Below sorrow there is only deadly silence. Thus bringing people up to being able to feel and communicate sorrow freely is a major auditing action. Sorrow is actually much too high for some people. Many people feel like a rock when they lose something. When they lose something they don't feel sad, they feel solid. 'Locate a moment of loss causing you to feel solid' That's why people talk about 'breaking down' and crying. Or 'all choked up'. That means the effort to not cry is still in place. There is no free flowing emotion. Yes sorrow is humiliating, it takes courage to cry, but then again it takes courage to love now doesn't it. Anger is an effort to attack. Guilt is apology for Anger gone wrong. Regret is the effort to turn back time. Fear is an effort to run away. Despair is can't run away. Sorrow is an effort to call for help. Apathy is an effort to give up. Sorrow is the last tone where the person is still trying to DO something about his condition rather than just let things as they are flush him down the toilet. Thus the recovery of sorrow from a case, is probably the make break point of whether the case gets better or not. Once he can feel sorrow again and communicate it through expression, he is alive and functioning, and can probably solo most of his own case from there on out. Sorrow is just inverted love, and so running sorrow is running love. NO sorrow or encysted sorrow, means NO love or encysted love. This is your 'I want to know what love is!' case. No one asks "I want to know what sorrow is!" Get them up to feeling and expressing sorrow again, and they will know what love is. Remember that sorrows are about FOREVER loss (in time), and it is his involvement in FOREVERS and NEVERS that are the core of his case. Preciousness, fragility, uniqueness and ephemerality. We will call those the Big 4. Permanent loss in other words, it can't be fixed, and he can't make another one. Ever. Get it? A person who can feel sorrow at will is in very good shape. That means he is above sorrow on the tone scale and needs to run his fear, and anger and murderous rage secondaries next. You can always feel the tone levels below your own chronic stuck tone. If all you can feel is nothing, or apathy, then that places you well down below sorrow on the tone scale. That means you are trying to survive by NOT DOING ANYTHING about it. Such a person will approach his auditing in the same manner as his stuck chronic tone. He will pay you for it, he will sit down in front of your chair, he will hold the cans, he will answer your questions, but it's all a facade, down deep he won't be doing anything about it, so of course he makes no case gain. THIS then is the first address to the case. Getting him to DO something about it. The ability to feel sorrow and cry and laugh a few tears and express is a good sign. By DOING we mean conceiving, people who aren't DOING aren't conceiving, so the cause engine is dead and so no case gain is being made and no goals are being accomplished. The basic DOING is high toned action, enthusiasm, thrill, exhilaration and courage, towards some goal, probably taking care of those things that are precious, fragile, unique and ephemeral to him. Of course by 'NOT DOING' you are talking here about people who are in really bad shape. You find someone in good shape, and he may need a few antagonism incidents to be run before he goes back out and conquers the world. But why audit him? He probably can audit himself, and besides he should be auditing others. The truth is though that EVERYONE is down below sorrow on some subject no matter how well they are apparently doing in life. They wouldn't be here on Earth if it weren't so. So this material applies to everyone. OK, enough said, let's get on with this. CHARGE ON FUTURE LOSS Sorrows (secondaries of any kind), particularly suppression of expression of sorrow, charge up engrams. Later sorrows charge up earlier engrams. The earliness of the engram is matched by the lateness of the sorrow. The fact that you MUST go into past lives to find the earlier engram on most cases, brings up the interesting possibility that you MUST also go into LATER lives to find the later sorrow. This is not meant to be magic or some kind of hocus pocus about the future. People have as much attention on losses that they WILL suffer in the future as they do on losses they have suffered in the past. Most people's present time is a solution to the fact that they and everything they love WILL die one day and lose everything, they think. And boy do they hate time. Their whole existence is a monument to cower before time. Even if your meatball doesn't 'believe' in past or future lives, I quite assure you that if he did, he would be worried stiff about losses in all of them. THIS IS WHY HE IS A MEATBALL. He is taking comfort in the idea that one day he will be dead for good, where tears can no longer find him and torment him. Even for an Eternal dreamball, it's fine to have a billion more cats and lovers in a billion more future lives, but they are ALL going to die and rip your heart out, everyone. There is more charge on loss in an endless possible future than in the finite past that the being has been around in this time stream. The charge on the future is so intense that many just succumb to becoming meatalls, live once, die once and good riddance to everyone and all. Or Churchies. THEY HOPE TO NEVER LIVE AGAIN, BECAUSE THEY HOPE TO NEVER CRY AGAIN. Childhood is FILLED with sorrow charge on losses that have not happened yet, but surely will. Any child can tell you about ascension experiences on how beautiful mother is, and how sad it is that she will die one day. I mean we are talking 2 or 3 years old, first awareness of death. Just poke around for the Big 4 on mother, etc. First awareness of death and permanent losses starts this going. Run permanent loss in the form of preciousness, uniqueness, fragility and ephemerality to stir up sorrows along the whole track. Run 'last breath' from the beginning of time to the end of time to really open things up. AS-ISNESS "There could never be another one, there will never be another one, and I can only have this one for a while..." (And this one doesn't even like me.) "We will never pass this way again" precludes any possibility of an as-isness and thus of any case gain. That's because an as-isness is putting it there again in its original moment and time of creation. An as-isness is a perfect "passing this way again," causing the event to vanish so you CAN recreate it again "ever a-new" if you want to. If running the Big Four doesn't get your preclear looking at their sorrow chains square in the eye, go find another preclear to audit who can still feel and give a damn about Cosmic Loss without minimizing or discounting it. "How's it going to be on the last day?" "What's it going to be like in 10 million years?" "Conceive a last breath." Your preclear is pretty clear when he can span any possible last breath. But be sure to run the earlier beginning at the 'first breath'. Last breath's will not clear without clearing 'first breaths'. And remember these come in chains, you need to get the first first breath, and the last last breath. Also his first last breath in the past, and his last first breath in the future. Those are his first last good byes, and his last first hellos. Hello and goodbye form a complete 'incident' in a while. From earliest beginning to latest ending. There is no hello without a later good bye, and no good bye without a prior hello. Wouldn't you like to be Master of Hellos and Goodbyes? Watch out for the "But it's natural to live once and die forever, who can feel bad about that?" You do not want them in your life. A cage for asp vipers, perhaps... Get them in their next life. I mean how many lives as a mortal can you indulge in and keep up the facade? So if looking for a moment of loss in childhood hangs up, look in childhood for a moment of awareness of FUTURE loss, and away you go if you audit his PAST feelings about that future loss yet to happen. You don't ask him when he lost his mommy, because maybe he didn't. You ask him how he felt about losing his mommy SOME DAY. You got to get him BEFORE he started to hate his mommy which is yet another loss, but not as important. But to recover his love for his mommy you need to run out first awareness of loss of mommy at the end of her life. And I don't mean at the end of her life at his hands with a knife in her throat, but at the end of her natural life no matter how much he was trying to protect her and get her to live forever. Get THAT moment and you won't have to run all the late on the chain murderous intent. He won't even remember it. Get him back to when he was trying to keep her alive, and he will forget that he ever wanted her dead. Get the "I am glad I did this with you." Meaning he's glad he did this life with her as his mother. This is pure magic, because your preclear is pure magic, but it takes knowing how and what to audit. You got secondary charge on things that ain't lost yet, got it? To start it running and crying, get the idea of how it will be on the last day with whatever will be lost, even if they are still alive and well now. Maybe start with pets your preclear adores. "How will it be on the last day with your cat?" "Good bye little buddy..." So much for the "can't cry case." MOTHER Then work it back to first awareness that one day mommy would be no more. Problem is he may not like mommy any more, so that charge line is complicated by anger, guilt and sympathy alternating with no sympathy until he has refused to feel anything any more on her. Like folds of taffy, no sympathy, sympathy, no sympathy, sympathy. A few thousand layers of that going on every day, and he just won't be able to feel anything about much any more. But that parks HIM up the track where all the taffy is wrapped around his body, heart, mind and soul. That gets him into some unduplicateable and uncomputable stuff. That's unauditable. But get him back to his original intention with mothers, to enhance their sorry motherly asses forever for free, and it will just start to flow. His mother may have been his Spiritual Guardian, but SHE was his Apprehentice and HE was her Master on how to be an enhanceable mother. You can get any preclear to contact emotion on future losses, sometimes more easily than you can get them to contact emotion on past losses. This is because LATER emotion runs easier than earlier emotion, even if that later emotion is about losses later than now! I am not trying to get into a long winded discussion about whether the future or the past is real in the same sense that now is real, or whether a preclear can actually run out the sorrow from a future loss before it happens. Perhaps he is only running out his present sorrow about the future loss. But I wouldn't limit this with ideas, I would just run the incident, past, present or future. If he can conceive it, he can run it. "Conceive a future loss." If he can't remember future losses he has had, have him conceive future losses he hasn't had until the one he is stuck in kicks him in the teeth. Audit MOTHERS rather than MOTHER. When the future loss finally does happen, there will be MUCH less charge on it if all the past charge on the fact that the loss WILL happen is already long run out. Go get a kitten or 3, and cry every day for the day those cats will no longer be with you. Go on I dare you. If you find a case that is totally stuck running dianetic incidents, you might be amazed how much charge can be stirred up by running future and present incidents. The present is often one, long, ongoing engram or loss to your preclear, so you would HAVE to run some of that incident into the future to get its ending! You don't have to wait until an engram is over to run it, and if it is going on in present time, then clearly it's end is in the future, and when you tell the preclear to experience it from beginning to end, you are telling him to run some of it in the future. People treat the future as something they wish wouldn't happen. They will try to run their 'future' engrams and secondaries, in an effort to avoid them ever happening. This might be valid, but is not necessarily the primary purpose of running 'whole track', which includes future track, which is to release charge in present time, so when and if the future loss does happen, most of the charge on it will already be run out. No to mention present time cringe and flinch on the up coming day. At minimum you want the preclear to NOT accumulate charge over time waiting for the future loss to happen. The more creatively he puts the loss there, the less present time charge will accrue waiting for it to happen. Charge is accumulated over time. Every time your preclear thinks about mommy dying one day in 40 years he lays down another layer of charge. Say he lays down 10 pounds of charge every year on mother's death who is presently alive and well. So in 40 years when she actually dies, he is carrying 400 pounds of charge on it, and trying to run the incident at the time of death will be a nightmare, NO ONE can confront that much charge. So he sinks instead. And shuns auditors like the plague. But say he runs out each year's charge as it accumulates, then when she finally dies, he's only got a little 10 pound charge to run out. 10 pounds of charge he can run out, weep his eyes out, and have a happy wake after the funeral. 400 pounds of charge, and he won't cry a tear, he will turn a whiter shade of pale, and be dead himself pretty soon and the wake will be for him! He CAN'T build charge on what he is creatively putting there. SAND CASTLES IN THE SAND Probably the Earth will fall into the Sun or get hit by an asteroid one day no matter what anyone does. Our present civilization will come and go regardless of the auditing that takes place. You will have bodies and lives, children and lovers, and they will all die of something or other no matter what you do. This universe treats labors of love like the ocean treats sand castles in the sand. Cry about them being swept away BEFORE you build them, you see? Get their entire cycle of existence, create, survive, destroy, in your original aborning conception of them. That way YOU are fully responsible for putting it there, that they will be created, survive for a while and then be washed or blown away as dust in the wind. You even arrange how it might all happen in the end. Most people are running on: Create = Joy Survive = Anger Fear and Regret Destroy = Sorrow Charge cannot grow where there is an "I did it!" tagged on the event. PSYCHOSIS People try to create FOREVER in time, which is impossible as all created things exist in a finite while. So they tag the creation with "I created it!", but then they spend the rest of time trying to keep the creation going forever with no sense of "I did it!" for the ending of it. They enjoy creating things but then become married to the survival of it forever. THUS THEY ALWAYS LOSE. Psychosis is the effort to stop something one considers he didn't start. Psychosis is also the effort to START something he would never stop. Total irresponsibility for start or stop on any cycle of creation. If you can say truly "I did it and I want it!" to all three parts of the cycle of action, then all three of create, survive and destroy become a win instead of a loss. Its part of wanting to PLAY the game more than win it. This is anathema to a human, but standard operating procedure to an OT games creator. All a game is, is a cycle of action, a cycle of create, survive and destroy. OTs keep complete games on the mantle above the fireplace to be admired and adored. Charge can not stand in the face of wanted wins and wanted losses. People think they want wins, but that it is crazy to want losses. They create something and they want it to last FOREVER (in time). Boy is that nuts, not to mention a one way flow. It's also detested, for Sovereignty is in love with Eternality (out of time) not Immortality (in time). Eternality can create an infinite number of precious, fragile, unique and ephemeral finite whiles, that last as long as it wants, but never forever. Evil is the intent to create an infinite single while in time. And then stick someone there forever ;) And you are going to audit someone who has been doing this their whole life? "Put a loss there in the future." You can always make another of anything, precious, unique, fragile, and ephemeral. That's all the Eternal Static can do is create kinetic instantiations of the Big 4. So if you make something, you can't have IT forever in time. Everything created has an expiration date on it. The joke is if you did make another one exactly like the one you got and want to hold onto, that would be a perfect duplicate which would cause a vanishment anyhow. So the only way you can get anything is to make it persist FOR A WHILE. When the while ends, and its gone, your preclear can make another one just like it, but probably won't because he won't remember what he had originally created, its GONE at the end of its own while as if never had been. Complete and total as-isness is a bitch that never was. Not even a memory or lesson or recognition left for what had been. Not even awareness that an as-isness took place. AS-ISNESS is the basic on loss. Whatever was is GONE as if never HAD BEEN. The being tries to avoid making the end of the cycle to keep it around longer, but sorry, all persistence is for a while, no exceptions. Vanishment through as-isness or perfect duplication doesn't cause charge, because the "I did it!" is too strong and omni present. It's NOT WANTING to win or lose that creates charge. If you can love the full cycle of action, including attachment to to your creation, and having your heart ripped out at its inevitable end, then you can live free of persisting charge in action, peace and happiness. Charge is created by trying to START or STOP one part of the cycle FOREVER. A God being creates in the mere conception of things, he CAN'T conceive of creating something that never ends, he just can't do it. Eternality is a jealous master. Only Eternity lasts forever and that's outside of time, not in a created time while. Eternality doesn't run on causal conception of things, causal conception is how Eternality creates finite Temporality. The static creates the kinetic through causal conception. The kinetic is a virtualization of cause, so the kinetic doesn't actually cause anything itself. It only pretends to. However the entirety of the kinetic is continually orchestrated from above by the static in present time. Thus no matter what dance the kinetic is presently doing, you can change it from above at any time you are willing and daring enough to do so. Thus getting the being able to wrap his wits around the entirety of create, survive and destroy on any creation, will end his attachment to that creation, and the heart break of losing it, and enable him to keep on keeping on with new cycles and new whiles forever for free in new time whiles. Then when this time while ends which it will, he can continue creating things in an endless number of future but finite time whiles of his or other's design. This also works with creations the preclear is attached to NOT having around and is heartbroken about having to suffer their being around, detested things. Encompass the while of any creation, adored or abhored, with 'I am putting this here', and its gone. Do it partially and it becomes livable. It's not enough to take full responsibility for the beginning of something you love, you have to take full responsibility for the end of it too. The cycle of action goes from high responsibility and willingness to put some thing there at create, and general dwindling of responsibility and willingness to put it there as it tries to survive and starts to fail, down to total irresponsibility for final demise. It's a long arc, that pretty much defines the inception of fighting and then losing to what you fear most. Notice that unless that arc is vanished through full responsibility and putting it there all the way to the end, the arc remains the preclear forever, as restimulable case and loss. Its a loss because he continues to have the arc! "Death and decay are inherent in *ALL* compound things, seek ye diligently therefore thy salvation." - Lord Buddha The only thing that lasts forever is people and peace, but that's static above time you see. Anything kinetic, manifested inside of time gets erased to give you a new slate to create on, no matter how many losses and arcs you suffered and are carrying around, because once they are as-ised, they never happened. That applies to the loss, AND to the original create. If you carry around the memory of that cat you loved so much, you also carry around the memory of its loss. As-isness is a bitch because it handles the WHOLE CYCLE of create, survive, destroy in its own time while. The loss is actually of the operating time while, not anything that went on inside the time while. An incident then is any time while that is not longer operable, no new moments being generated, but also not yet as-ised. Thus specific kinetic instantiations (Sabe) of that cat you love so much will never live on, and you wouldn't want it to even if it could, for that cat's core need is to manifest anew over and over again but only for a while each time. The general static spirit (Dura) of that being lives forever above time. You can co love there forever all you want. APPOINTMENT BOOKS So yeah, in time your appointment book becomes empty with the kinetic cat, maybe you will see them again, maybe you won't. But the appointment book of Eternity isn't quite an appointment book now is it. That cat doesn't want to be just ONE precious, unique, fragile and ephemeral thing in time forever and ever amen, it wants to be MANY DIFFERENT precious, unique, fragile and ephemeral things, forever for free, don't you see? In Sabe, ocean and sand castle are two and opposed. In Dura, ocean and sand castle are two aspects of the same one, and exist for each other as a potential cycle of action in Sabe (SA-BAY). The cycle of action lives for a while in Sabe, in time, but the potential CYCLE ITSELF lives forever above time in Dura. And anyhow one day that cat may want to manifest as a dog, or a cow or a girl friend. You gotta be careful falling in love with cats, they tend to come back and want to marry you many lives later. Ok take a break. Homer --------------------------------------------------------------------- An infinite future in an infinite number of different FINITE time whiles, means an infinite number of girl friends to love, and an infinite number of funerals to attend, and play your favorite closing scene music. But there can only be a finite number of girl friends in one finite time while. So when you finally get around to ending this finite time while with a billion girl friends, you will start a new one as if never before, and you won't remember any of those billion girl friends while you contemplate your existence with another billion for the first time. Have you really had time enough for love yet? Is it possible to even conceive of such a thing? If so, woe be unto you. So you see, many of these losses are all up there on the future whole track no matter what you do about them. You know this, that's why you are sad about them NOW, and have been so in the past. Many of your sorrows in the past have been about things that haven't even happened yet but which you know will. Most people are looking forward to their future with sorrow blinders on. So there is charge in the past about loss in the future, and there will be charge in the future about loss in the past (future regrets), and whether you run out the death of a loved one after it occurs or before it occurs, it doesn't really matter, because it is all just charge. It's just easier to run them before they happen, making it easier to run them when it happens. Especially if you know its going to happen before it does, or even as a probability that it MIGHT happen. So losses in the past and losses in the future along with the anger, guilt, regret, fear, numb, sorrow and apathy that accompany them are all part of the whole track. You can't change some of this in general. But you might be able to run some, if not all, of the sorrow off of these future incidents now, so that when they happen you will be able to face them with peace, equanimity and facile rebound. People who never think about their own death or the deaths of their lovers, parents or children are destined to have a hard time of it when it happens. It is socially impolite to remind people of painful things, death, loss, etc. so it gets all shut up in the social facade. 'How are you doing?', 'Just fine, thank you.' So nobody runs anything out. And everyone is lyin'. Everybody alive is on death row and they are saying 'Just fine, thank you.' It would be funny if it weren't so sick. Imagine it going a different way. 'How are you doing?' 'Well just now I am thinking about who is going to die first, me or Jane, I keep mocking up our last day together, I am walking with her knowing I am dying and we both know it, and yet she is still all happy about some flowers she is picking, there is a lot of sorrow on this, I kind of wish we could die together.' 'Yes I understand, I am the same way, tell me about it.' 'Well, yap yap yap, sniff sniff, bawl, yap yap...' Life might even become decent if people would relate to each other about life being indecent. So making present time the artificial end of the track for your preclear is of course missing the Eternity of incidents ahead of him THAT HE IS CHARGING UP ABOUT NOW because he has been making the charge ever since THEN in the past. If you audit only the track that 'has already happened' you will end up with half a clear. And that's if you are lucky. More likely you will end up with a headache and no case gain. So any process can and should be run past, present and future. 'What conception/birth/assumption has there been?' 'What conception/birth/assumption is there now?' 'What conception/birth/assumption will there be?' 'What death has there been?' 'What death is there now?' 'What death will there be?' 'What problem has there been?' 'What problem is there now?' 'What problem will there be?' You can run this on any of the Grades: No Communication, Problems, Overts, Withholds, ARC Breaks, and Make Wrongs etc. Don't forget past, present and future CO EXCUSED withholds, and MISSED withholds, and MIS UNDERSTOOD WORDS! And of course you run it on engrams, and secondaries, anger, guilt, regret, fear, numb, sorrow, and apathy, conceptions, deaths, arrivals, departures, alignments and reversals of peoples, places, things, goals, opposition goals, terminals, opp terminals, friends and enemies etc. Any 'unwanted' violation of Sovereign Desire that the person has their attention on. Anything they wanted to be do have or know, but couldn't. Anything they want to be do have or know, but can't. Anything they will want to be do have or know, but won't be able to. Anything they didn't want to be do have or know but had to. Anything they don't want to be do have or know but have to. Anything they won't want to be do have or know but will have to. Remember, any condition the being finds himself 'stuck' with, he put there with Sovereign Desire as a fair chosen barrier in a game. Recognition and recovery of the ability to reoperate this responsibility will blow the condition. THIS ITSELF IS A MAJOR WHOLE TRACK PROBLEM OF YOUR PC. He had a hard time keeping any game in place because he kept realizing who set it up, him. Poof, no Game! This is also a major statement which people will at first glibly accept as probably true, and then reject as outrageously preposterous. That's a move upstairs. Don't discourage it. The being had to somewhat hide his responsibility for his fair chosen barriers in order to make sure they persisted and didn't as-is in the middle of a game. It's SOOOO embarrassing when that happens, so your preclear has gone to some lengths to make sure he has no idea who caused anything, and when he finds out he is going to kill it forthwith, just to make sure everything stays put. However he has gotten more than enough lost in this denial of responsibility, and the persistence of things has gotten quite out of hand, to the point that everything persists but him! (He is mortal, right?) Nothing more ridiculous than a thetan worrying about his tombstone out living him! Ever walk down a rocky beach and wonder at the injustice of it all that the rocks and the waves will out last you? MEST which could care less gets to live forever, and you who would dearly love to live forever, get to die. Some fun. MEST means Matter, Energy, Space and Time. Don't forget Force, MEST-F. Force is the proxy for cause in this universe, nothing moves or changes without force causing it. So there is a lot of charge on this subject of violations of Sovereign Desire, a lot of incredibility and 'burn', which will lead to some serious fireworks during session as you try to run this stuff out and get at the central postulates denying responsibility at the core of every chain and every case. The ultimate in irresponsibility of course is 'I didn't make it, IT made me!' In fact you will find that many of the barriers that your preclear is suffering from, he put there so he could not know about other earlier barriers that he couldn't get away from, vanish, get rid of or as-is. He is not-ising them to make them look like they are gone because their persistence has become intolerable to him and he couldn't get rid of them. But remember many of THOSE 'unwanted' prior barriers were put there so that he could not know about OTHER earlier barriers that he couldn't make STAY AROUND. By hiding those from himself, especially with barriers to looking, he finally managed to get his original barriers to stay around long enough to have a game. But that was trillions of years ago, and now he is so buried in confusion and mass that he can't wait to get out for good, but hasn't the foggiest idea how to. So in the beginning he was too unlimited in his own eyes, so he limited his eyes so that he couldn't see how unlimited he was. This helped him become limited. But then he became too limited, and he lost track of how to undo the limitations he had placed on himself to keep the game going. (Make more of them, the way in is the way out.) This SCARED him, he began to feel it was forever, that he would never get rid of these limitations, that he would never be able to play certain games again, never see certain people again, never do certain things again, etc. "We will never pass this way again." "We will never pass each other again." Thus he came to consider that he had suffered a permanent loss, he even wondered if he really had created the whole thing himself, or if the universe itself was just designed to do him in. His doubts about his responsibility and the basic intelligent but divine basis of the universe made him feel so bad that he became just SURE that the universe was bad and he certainly would never have created it that way! Doubt is self casting. That's because the bad feelings that doubt creates are self evidencing, they support the conclusion that what one is most worried is true might be true. That's called knowing by emoting, and in the presence of doubt leads to eternal damnation (for a while). Finally he decided that life was indeed a bad thing, and that he had nothing to do with it, and his lot in life was to endure and suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Shakespeare nailed it. "The outrageousness of the mechanics of learning is matched by the outrageousness of what we have learned." - Adore. Once he became limited for good in his own eyes, he limited his eyes AGAIN so that he couldn't see how limited he was. This saved him a tear or two, or so he thought. But it made him forever unaware of just how bad things were and how fast and certainly he was sinking into Spiritual Death. His 'safe' solution to life and loss became, 'If looking will do you no good, then its time to not look'. That is THE basic computation on any case, everything else is just a person's own personal flourish on that one basic theme. Case consists entirely of trying to vanish unwanted things through not-isness, rather than through as-isness. A couple of trillion years doing that and you have a bowling ball. Is there any truth that would better not to know? Is there any future that, if you knew it again, would drive you crazy with fear? Is there anything that could kill your body if you were aware of it? Thus when you start a case you are up against a wall of not-is, not-know, and not-look that the preclear has put in place to pretend he doesn't have a case. The case he will HAND you to audit will not be the case that needs auditing, as his real case doesn't exist yet in the preclear's eyes. He wants to die painlessly, and wants his 'case' handled so that he can do so. He thinks his case is keeping him alive so he can continue to suffer forever. Blaming his presence in time forever on his case is a fast way to make sure his case stays around forever. Case persists only to the degree that responsibility for condition is absent. No hell can out last a true confession. Who done it? "Heh, I did it!" followed by a shit eating grin, followed by Poof! Gone. As if never created. Except perhaps for an impish grin with a clear intent to do it again, for the first time. Your job at the beginning of the case is to get the not-isness off the case so that he can come up to recognizing that he has a case, a REAL case, the size of Mt Everest or a super nova, and he really does want to live forever (outside of time, but not inside of time) and will anyhow, and that it can be a lot of fun but he got lost along the way PURPOSEFULLY, and can and might do so again with GREAT competency. Once he comes up to realizing this, when you say 'Tell me about it', he will actually do so rather than give you some long winded and useless song and dance about things that have nothing to do with anything. That by the way is an accessible pc. He certainly won't tell you 'There's nothing there'. So there are really two levels of NOT-ISness that have to be handled on a case. The first level of NOT-ISness was used by the preclear to get barriers to persist. He limited his lookingness so that he could get things to stay around. You know, bump into them in the dark. But then later he couldn't get rid of them any more and this became intolerable to him. The second level of NOT-ISness was used by the preclear to get these stuck barriers to apparently NOT persist. He limited his lookingness again to make things APPARENTLY go away by not looking at them. Its only an apparency though, and resulted in the preclear not knowing how bad off he was. So he is twice blinded. In both cases the preclear had the postulate that looking was not a good thing. In the first case looking made things vanish that he wanted to persist. In the second case looking reminded him that things were persisting that he wanted to vanish but could no longer. The second not looking was no longer aware of or able to look at the first not looking! Of course if he had REALLY looked at what he was upset with, namely unwanted vanishment, he would have successfully been able to vanish whatever barrier he was upset about. But he failed to look at his earlier not-looking and his earlier intention to make things persist and the problems he had with things vanishing. Upsetness about persistence is preceded by upsetness about vanishment. This follows a standard 'staircase' of descent. First there is the beauty of vanishment, which is native state. Then there is the ugly of vanishment, which is the beauty of non native state, which is the desire to have a game. Then there is the beauty of persistence, which is the game going fine. Then there is the ugly of persistence, which is the inability to end the game. So he left out a few details in his efforts to look, so his looking didn't vanish the unwanted item. So he became ARC Broke with looking and AS-ISing, and decided that looking was no good AGAIN because it only showed him how bad off he was without helping him any with it. So he decided that he shouldn't look at his unwanted persistences, and chose instead to pretend that things were all ok again. The apparent nonexistence of unwanted persistences arises then from not looking at not looking. Solution to unwanted vanishment was first not looking. Solution to unwanted persistence was second not looking. Thus your pc has a tremendous number of barriers to his life that he DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT AND CAN NOT EVEN LOOK AT. If you ask him, 'What's there?' he will say, "There's nothing there." Thus your pc has walked down what we call the Dichotomy Staircase. It goes something like this. At first there is the beauty of things not persisting. This is freedom. It is the freedom of never having anything wake you up in the morning because there is nothing to wake you up and no morning to wake up into. It's the Big Snooze of Adore, and the Peace that Passeth All Understanding of the Christians. Then there is the ugly of things not persisting because you want a game and a game needs something to persist to fight and stop you. So then there is the beauty of things persisting. Good times and good games. But then at the bottom there is the ugly of things persisting because the game has gotten old or out of hand, and you have forgotten how to as-is it. This can be summarized in the Dichotomy Staircase as follows: BEAUTY OF NO PERSISTENCE native state, no game UGLY OF NO PERSISTENCE want a game, don't have a game BEAUTY OF PERSISTENCE want a game, have a game UGLY OF PERSISTENCE don't want a game, have a game anyhow. Let's make this more specific to see how it might apply. 1.) BEAUTY OF NOT PERSISTING EVIL 2.) UGLY OF NOT PERSISTING EVIL 3.) BEAUTY OF PERSISTING EVIL 4.) UGLY OF PERSISTING EVIL Your preclear is parked squarely at 4.), the bottom of the staircase. Ask him, '3.) What is the Beauty of Persisting Evil?', and see what he says if you don't believe me. He just can't conceive of it. Yet he HAS to go up through the staircase to get out the top to 1.) the Beauty of Not Persisting Evil. The key of course is 2.) the Ugly of Not Persisting Evil. That's where he first decided that it would be nice if evil persisted and he was the evilest son of a bitch in the valley. IT WAS A DECISION. HE WANTED IT. HE WILL DENY THIS, BUT THAT DOES NOT CHANGE THE FACTS. A THETAN IN GOOD CONDITION CAN DENY ANYTHING UNTIL THE COWS COME HOME, PARTICULARLY PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. And he can deny that he is denying and be completely convinced of this. A thetan would have to be in good condition to conceive the Beauty of Persisting Evil. Denial of personal responsibility is not a quirk or a mistake, it IS what denial is about. Denial of personal responsibility is all the denial there is. Denial of choice. The choice to deny that a choice was made. The choice is always whether to PUT SOMETHING THERE OR NOT. THAT is how you get things to persist! PUTTING THERE THE DENIAL THAT YOU ARE PUTTING SOMETHING THERE. PRETENDED NO CHOICE = PERSISTENCE You can run this with looking and not looking too, because looking is the key to AS-ISing, and thus to the vanishment or persistence of any wanted or unwanted condition. Just run, "Tell me about the, BEAUTY OF LOOKING (Happy that things are vanishing) UGLY OF LOOKING (Unhappy that things are vanishing) BEAUTY OF NOT LOOKING (Happy that things are persisting) UGLY OF NOT LOOKING (Unhappy that things are persisting)' This dichotomy staircase can be run on anything of importance to your preclear. The classic example is memory, and can be run on anyone concerned with their memory for this life or past lives. Or perhaps they are worried about their memory in their next life for this life! Future memory is more important than past memory! The idea is the same. You spend all of this life learning Chopin's 2nd Piano Concerto. Are you gonna remember it in your next life, or is it going to haunt you like a ghost in your dreams? At first the person is happy to have a good memory. That's the beauty of memory. Then something happens which he regrets and he tries to nail it out of existence by turning back time, and out of his memory. Thus he is unhappy he has a good memory. That's the ugly of memory. Then after a while he forgets that he has forgotten things and he is feeling better because he doesn't know about all those bad things any more, and his conscience is not bothering him any more, and his memory is in very bad shape and he no longer knows how bad shape his memory is in, and he is very comfortable with it that way. That's the beauty of no memory. He has forgotten that he has forgotten! Then finally he realizes that he has forgotten more than he intended, and he can't remember anything any more, and can't function in life very well, and doesn't know where he came from or where he is going, and can't even remember his basic purpose in life. Thus he becomes very unhappy with his non functional memory, but doesn't know how to get it back because he has FORGOTTEN how! That's the ugly of no memory. You can run this with "Tell me about the BEAUTY OF MEMORY UGLY OF MEMORY BEAUTY OF NO MEMORY UGLY OF NO MEMORY This dichotomy staircase can even be run on things like addictions where you will find it is actually circular, once the preclear goes off the bottom he starts at the top again at a lower harmonic. Take smoking cigarettes for example. At first the person does not smoke and can't imagine ever smoking and can't figure out why others do. Most people start off in this state as children. That's the beauty of not smoking. But then as the years go by, others in his age class start to smoke and other pressures begin to build which push him in the direction of smoking, and soon he is really on the outside because he doesn't smoke. That's the ugly of not smoking. So he tries a few cigarettes and begins to like it after a while, and pretty soon he is smoking regularly and enjoying it. That's the beauty of smoking. But then later on in life he finds that smoking has sapped some of his strength and his health, that he smells horrible, that he can't stop smoking, that he smokes much too much, that it makes him nauseous and yellows his teeth and fingers. That's the ugly of smoking. So he decides to quit and he stops smoking for a while and begins to feel better about himself and life and his health, and girls want to kiss him again etc. You see, that's the beauty of not smoking all over again. But the craving is always there in the background, especially when things get rough, or he gets nervous, or has to talk to someone important, or maybe its time to get executed, and the anxiety begins to build, and so there are these subtle pressures still pushing him to smoke again. That's the ugly of not smoking once more. Why do you think they offer a cigarette to a man about to be executed? It calms the nerves. It numbs them dead, actually. How many engrams do you have of being shot in front of a firing squad with a cigarette in your mouth and a blindfold on? But it doesn't take anything this severe to get the craving for a cigarette going again, having to talk to the boss or a pretty girl is quite enough. It's pretty much the same thing to some people, NON SURVIVAL. So one day he gives in and smokes a cigarette and feels really good for a few moments, and he goes in and handles his boss or talks to that pretty girl who makes him nervous as hell, and things work out alright. That's the beauty of smoking again. But then the craving won't leave him alone and he begins smoking all the time again, and he develops a smoker's cough, and all his friends leave him alone and don't want him in their apartment or their car, and his daughter won't talk to him because he stinks to high hell, or maybe he falls asleep one night with a cigarette in his hand and he burns his house to the ground. And there's the ugly of smoking one more time. So he decides to stop again, and he is back at the beauty of not smoking. Around and around we go. Each cycle through he is putting more and more force into not smoking, into smoking, into not smoking, into smoking etc. There is no as-ising of the beauty and ugly cycle going on, even though it IS going on. All addictions and attachments follow this pattern. But the primary addiction of course is to First Hellos and Last Good-byes, to being alone and being unalone. Thus you could run, Tell me about the BEAUTY OF BEING ALONE UGLY OF BEING ALONE BEAUTY OF BEING UNALONE UGLY OF BEING UNALONE This one cycle is possibly on the basic chain of why your preclear created a universe with other people in it in the first place and has now come to rue all of its inhabitants. He can't kick them out, because he has lost sight of letting them in and making sure they STAYED in. So when you approach running secondaries and engrams you are handling the hottest charge on the case that there is, all the way to the end of time, and all the way back to the beginning of time. The Last Decision and the First Decision. You can even run the Dichotomy Staircase on Decision. Tell me about the, BEAUTY OF NOT MAKING DECISIONS UGLY OF NOT MAKING DECISIONS BEAUTY OF MAKING DECISIONS UGLY OF MAKING DECISIONS (followed by the top again at a lower harmonic.) I will let you work out the little story that might go along with this stair case, as we and everyone else in existence is parked many harmonics down from the first entrance into the staircase at the decision to decide and the decision TO BE HERE NOW. Don't even think of starting this program of processes unless you plan to carry it through to an interstellar win. Be prepared for your pc to go super nova on you. If you are not prepared, your preclear will wonder if you know what you are doing. This will cause him to fail to complete cycle on the release and it will be hell to audit later. So this thing about engrams and secondaries is important. The reason that dianetic cases don't run, and the reason that others in the past have had such a hard time with this, is they missed a few facts about Dianetic incidents. 1.) Engrams run from late to early. Secondaries run from early to late. 2.) A pc's case is centered around NOW. Engrams BEFORE now are charged up by secondaries AFTER now. 3.) Engrams in the past may have charge on them in the future when the injury or loss is finally regretted. 4.) Secondaries in the future may have charge on them in the past when you first became aware of the possible or impending loss. Thus going for the first moment of actual loss will miss the earlier beginning when he first became aware that the loss would happen or could happen at all. Most losses get charged up while they are still FUTURE losses. Losses that are unexpected, get charged up earlier to the degree that the person is generally aware of the potential for unexpected losses. If a loss is really and truly unexpected, well then the moment of the loss is the moment you have to run. But even an actual loss (death of mommy), may lay on a chain of losses (death of mommies) that goes far into the future. Thus an actual death of mommy may refuse to run out until the pending future deaths of all future mommies are also run out, and then past mommies. Without engrams, sorrows won't STICK to you. The losses won't build up and accumulate on you. This doesn't mean you won't ever get sad or cry, but such incidents are self erasing in the experiencing of them. This is what CLEAR is about. A clear can and will go down tone freely into sorrow at a loss, but he will rebound completely. A clear is FACILE with rebound. Someone with engrams will never come back to where he was on the tone scale after a sorrow, and with each sorrow he ratchets further and further down the tone scale 'permanently'. People with engrams are sinking ships, even if it is too slow to notice. The sinking takes place over many lifetimes. This is because each sorrow throws the person down tone into the area of his engrams, almost all of which are unknown and unconfronted. Thus the person dramatizes on the present time sorrow what he dramatized on the engram, which was to find it *PAINFUL*, unbearable and unconfrontable. The not-is and alter-is on the engram carries over to the sorrow, and so the present secondary incident is not fully expressed, cried, acknowledged, admired and therefore run out. What is there to admire about sorrow you ask? Sorrow is love in mourning. The deeper the sorrow, the deeper the love. When God cries a tear, the oceans move. Sorrow doesn't hurt. The PAIN of sorrow is always the underlying engram. Most of our secondaries are other people's engrams. And most of our engrams are other people's secondaries. Say your dog gets run over by a car. That's your sorrow, and his engram. Or your mother dies. That's your sorrow and her engram. Or you die. That's your engram and your mate's sorrow. So keep in mind that you should also be running multiple viewpoint dianetics. That means when your preclear gets an engram, part of that engram is a recording of everyone else's secondary over the matter. And when he gets a secondary, part of that secondary is often a recording of someone else's engram. Not all secondaries are caused by other's engrams. Some boy can just leave you for the floozie down the street. But engrams in others often cause them to 'leave' you. The death of my mother caused her to leave me. So her death engram caused a secondary in me. My mother by the way died by falling off a cliff into a gorge. She probably spent some time wondering if anyone was going to come looking for her and find her. We did look, with dogs, police, and helicopters, but never found her. Her body was found 1 month later by a couple of kids playing in the gorge. Needless to say, part of running this incident with multiple viewpoint dianetics would include getting the kid's viewpoint when they found her body. Bloated, bugs and all. Probably ought to run this incident from the bug's viewpoint too. Yum! And the viewpoint of the river and the rocks and the grass and the wind. And all the screaming disincarnates, 'Here she is, here she is!" which we could not hear. Anyhow, life survives within a very narrow band of tolerance. Life is motion and depends on motion for its survival. That is called optimum randomity. Not too much and not too little. An engram is a moment of too much motion or too little motion. You can burn to death, or you can freeze to death. EVERY ENGRAM IS A MOMENT OF TOO MUCH OR TOO LITTLE. Secondaries are the same way. A secondary is a loss, a loss of optimum IS-NESS. Too much or too little MOTION or KIND OF MOTION. Even a loss of space, which itself does not have motion leads to too much room to move or not enough room to move, and thus results in an engram or secondary. 'Has there been too much of something?' 'Has there been too little of something?' 'What TOO MUCH has there been?' 'What TOO MUCH is there?' 'What TOO MUCH will/may there be?' 'What TOO LITTLE has there been?' 'What TOO LITTLE is there?' 'What TOO LITTLE will/may there be?' If an engram hangs up and won't run, you might ask, 'Is this a moment of TOO MUCH or TOO LITTLE?' Sometimes its both. Here's some poor guy dying of starvation in a concentration camp during World War II. This is a very long and drawn out engram of TOO LITTLE food, water, nourishment etc. It has tremendous drama associated with it; people fighting over food, people turning each other in for food, people operating the ovens for food, people eating things they would NEVER eat, etc. So you are trying to run this engram out of this guy and it won't run. You run it and run it and run it and it just bogs down and won't move. You know its a death engram, he died at the end of the starvation. So you assess on the meter, 'TOO MUCH? TOO LITTLE? expecting 'too little food' to read. But TOO MUCH reads! So you ask him if there was a moment of too much in the incident. And suddenly he recalls that about 20 minutes away from dying of STARVATION, while he was lying there on the ground in 'useless .03' on the tone scale, some officer came over and kicked him a few times in the side really hard to see if he was still alive. When the pc didn't respond, the officer shot him through the head calling him a useless scum. So he didn't die of starvation after all! He died of getting shot. And that of course is a TOO MUCH engram at the end of a TOO LITTLE engram. Once you got that, the engram revivifies, the postulates come off and the charge erases and you can get on with the case. Sorrows are the same way, either TOO MUCH or TOO LITTLE. Being imprisoned or enslaved is a TOO MUCH incident. Having a friend depart, die or reverse on you is a TOO LITTLE incident. Being stuck with an enemy or an opp term is a TOO MUCH incident. Thus Ron talked about death, departures and reversals as the primary cause of secondaries. That's for friends. For enemies it's births, arrivals and alignments. This makes a little table you can use for finding secondaries. FRIENDS FOES ---------- ---------- - deaths births - TOO LITTLE | departures arrivals | TOO MUCH - reversals alignments - A reversal by the way is when someone who is your friend reverses on you and becomes your enemy. An alignment is when someone who is your enemy becomes your friend. You might wonder how that could be a loss, but the loss of an enemy can be the loss of a game. The day we all become friends, will be the saddest day there is, because it will be time to say good bye for a new game. Thus whether you are running sorrows or engrams, you are always running too much of something or too little of something. The body needs optimum IMPACT and IMPINGEMENT to survive. A dianetic incident is ALWAYS TOO MUCH IMPACT or TOO LITTLE IMPACT which causes lessened survival, pain, unconsciousness, near death, and death. Remember you are an eternal being, so death is a valid engram. In fact body death engrams are just another engram on the chain of body engrams. They are however the most serious. There are immortal (forever in time) engrams which are more serious, death was invented to escape them. So if you refuse to run body death engrams from past lives, you may never get to basic on the chain of your present life engrams, and you may never blow the chain. Only a body death engram from a past (or future!) life can be severe enough to make you feel like you are dying now. Unless of course you ARE dying (eating radium, getting shot etc.) But if you think it is psychosomatic, and you feel like you are dying, then look to the time you did or WILL die to run it out. Sorrows about FUTURE dying charge up past engrams of body death. Remember also that SOMETIMES the being did die in this life as a baby perhaps during birth or afterwards, but resurrected the body anyhow, so the death engram is this life! Running past deaths can lead into some pretty strange stuff, because before your involvement with bodies you had a lot of track without bodies as you know them now. You might also run into an area of the track called FRAGILE IMMORTALITIES. These were societies that lasted for a very long time, and beings WERE immortal (lived forever in time), even in bodies, but the bodies were FRAGILE. That meant you would live forever as long as.... You fill in the blank. This was a really strange situation, because the being and body would live forever as long as they weren't damaged, but if the body got killed, the being died FOREVER also, because the being WAS the body, or so he and everyone else thought. Punishments for crimes, whether accidental or intentional in this area were extreme. They could torture you forever without killing you, and this is possibly a basic on the chain of the present day Christian idea of Eternal Hell. The sorrows in this area were also extreme, because beings COULD live forever and often did live for a very very long time. Then something stupid would happen, and they would get killed, or they would kill themselves, and this was a major loss of something that 'could have been permanent.' Today on Earth we all know we are going to die one day anyhow, so some people take on the view, 'who cares if we kill someone early, he is just going to die anyhow.' Usually such people run for office. This was unthinkable during the fragile immortality days on the whole track. So someone who is trying to go clear has some charge to face. This charge is in the past, in the present and in the future. You have as much charge ahead of you in the future as you do in the past, so you really need to run this out with an eye to the WHOLE TRACK, meaning both past, present and future. When you are trying to clear someone you want the FIRST engram and the LAST secondary. The first engram is probably somewhere around the beginning of this universe or this chain of universes. The last secondary is probably around the end of this universe or chain of universes, maybe the day everyone is packing up to leave this theater of the absurd and saying 'Bye!' to each other. Most people are so low tone, they want to get out of this universe so bad, they just can't figure why anyone would be sad about the day we all go back to Native State. But there it is, it's a 'Last Good-bye' of magnitude. So who knows how it will really be on that last day, but your preclear will have something to say about it, and FEEL about it, so you had better let him, or he just won't get better. NO feeling, NO case gain. If you don't run out the future charge now, you will suffer that charge if and when it happens up the time stream a bit, just as you are still suffering the charge from your past that you didn't run back then. Why wait for the incident to happen before you run it out? What with inflation, who knows what the cost of auditing will be then. If you run these future losses out now, which is what going clear is all about, then your future will be more like an EXPERIENCE rather than a SENTENCE. And while you are word clearing the word CLEAR, word clear FACILE REBOUND while you are at it, ok? You will also regain your ability to CHOOSE to be or not be in that future, or any future at all, at will. The key is to run the engrams from late to early, and the sorrows from early to late. Remember that the later sorrows charge up the earlier engrams which cause a 'permanent' lowering of tone. With out the underlying engrams, sorrows are self erasing, and are actually an aesthetic and desirable expression of 'First' Hellos and 'Last' Good-byes. Sorrow is love in reverse, going away rather that coming together. When you get about half way to clear, your case begins to mimic this self erasing phenomenon of the clear. You see some sad movie, and some tremendous sorrow turns on, and you cry it out without restraining it or feeling embarrassed, and then the underlying engrams turn on with shooting pains, BT's turn on, you say hello to them, and all sorts of stuff, and then the thing begins to lift and you end up higher in tone than before. Most people when they see a sad movie, keep it all to themselves, overwhelmed by the 'permanency' of it all, and they end up lower tone. Or maybe they cry a lot during the movie, but the sorrow is so overwhelming that they don't look to the later and earlier sorrows, so they end up feeling rotten or 'all choked up' afterwards, and they end up another step down in the tone scale of life. Choked up comes from trying to choke back the wailing. Mommy liked quiet dolls in her crib that didn't express their true feelings about the AllThatIs. Or worse they get scared by the engrams turning on from the sorrows running off, and they go to a doctor every time a new pain turns on. Suppressed love will kill you, doctors will not cure you. A lot of people are so low tone they can't feel anything at all. They can't cry at will, they can't laugh at will, they can't get angry at will, so they go out and get 'entertained'. That means 'made to feel emotion by others who are higher toned.' There is nothing wrong with entertainment, it is the purpose of life after all, but you can get BELOW being able to entertain others and yourself, at which point it all becomes an inflow, 'You had better entertain ME or else!' Below that it becomes a hysterical search for interesting things to do, to see, feel, hear, taste, smell, experience that never leave any lasting impression after they are over. There is no lasting fulfillment at that level. Eventually NOTHING entertains them anymore, and their every move is desperation. They BECOME entertainment to the Gods. There is nothing so humorous to a God as a desperate man. When you go Clear you will understand this, as you will BE that God laughing at the desperate man you were. God who chose, for the longest time, to be a victim. So let the victim's scream for yet a while, they too will win their way back home with your help. Remember the way to end any problem, including other's suffering, is to MAKE MORE OF IT and get THEM to make more of it. That restores control over it, and thus it can be stopped either by you or them. The problem is not knowing any more HOW to make more of it. Make more of the not knowing, however many levels it takes. The man who can heal with a thought, can kill with a thought, and the joke is he heals with a thought BY killing with a thought, meaning he makes the bad situation MORE and WORSE (not by much) and then lets go, and it releases. Once he can make it, he can let go of it. So the first effort of any healer is to make more of what he is trying to heal. You can remove what you can PUT THERE. The way to guarantee that any problem persists forever is to go on a hysterical crusade to STOP IT NOW BEFORE IT GETS ANY WORSE. That is why sorrows are self erasing to a Clear, they don't get locked into the seriousness or 'permanency' of the loss. And they don't allow past track non confronts and overwhelms of too much or too little force and impact (engrams) to spill over into how they handle the present sorrow, loss or secondary. They also make sure to run out all new engrams as they happen, so as not to give their sorrows any non confront to stick to. You can't lose anything you didn't make. If you lose it, why grieve, just make another, and then make more spaces, times, people, places, and things, to take it away from you. Better yet grieve too, sorrow is love is sorrow is love. Beautiful sorrow is sorrow free from delusions of permanency. When you can see that one, you will be fully Clear. Possibly more Clear than anyone on the planet at this time. Saying Good-bye doesn't last forever, why should grief? Grief is saying Good-bye. Good-byes are followed by Good Hellos. A Clear knows this. He can live life without repression of feeling. A child knows that when mommy goes to the store, mommy returns a while later. A clear knows that when someone dies, they will meet FOREVER at the apex of their beings, the native state of Dura, and they will certainly meet again on a future Ball Floor of Hell in Sabe. The REAL LOSS is that you DIDN'T cry and say Good-bye in a way that all could know. Not crying when someone dies or leaves you is like not telling them that you love them when you do. Hiding your sorrow from the Zombies around is no good for you. An aberree restrains his new Hellos after a Good bye. It's just too painful to make new friends if he is just going to lose them in the end anyway. Ever lose a dog and swear off ever having another one? Thus he has less and less of things to love and things to lose. He finds this a necessary safe solution to his sorrow. To him the pain of sorrow (the underlying engrams and his final mortality!) is just too much to bear, but his tone sinks with each lessening of his sphere of control and lessening of ever new Hellos. He doesn't want to tell his new Hello's about his last Good-byes. It might bring them down, they aren't clear either. So he keeps it all to himself, and becomes afraid of Good-byes AND Hellos. Pretty soon you find him saying his Last Good-byes to people he hasn't even said his First Hellos to yet, just to get it done and over with. Thus he suffers ALL of his last Good-byes BEFORE he has any First Hellos, and so the next time, when he does find a new friend, he's too low tone to appreciate him. (That's fine, as long as he RUNS OUT THE LAST GOOD BYE before he meets them, and doesn't run it IN through non confront, contraction and denial of EXPRESSION. Probably the only difference between running something in and running something out is willingness to experience what is being run.) Pretty soon he has no friends at all because 'they're all dead'. He hasn't even met them yet! You see NO REBOUND. Running out the loss before it happens allows for facile rebound when it does happen, and in fact allows for full responsibility for operating when, where and how it happens. Why wait in fear for the moment of death, choose it and cause it, and help others do the same. People who don't think they chose the moment of birth are living at effect out of the gate, and thus they won't chose their moment of death either. Your preclear is trying to steel himself against the inevitable loss of his connection to another, some time in the future, by breaking the connection now. He wants his sorrow to be on his own self determinism, rather than wait for the mean cold universe to do it to him at some unpredictable time in the future. Self determinism is more important than anything. Since mortals have so little of it in their own view, they do the strangest things to maintain as much of it as possible, including killing themselves before something else, WHICH THEY 'DIDN'T CHOOSE', can do it for them. So he says Good-bye to people before he says Hello. At least that way he killed his heart and his love with his own hand. A CLEAR has a different view. Hellos and Good-byes are another step in the dance of life. That's because there ARE no FIRST Hellos, there ARE no LAST Good-byes, and a Clear doesn't ever get into the finality or permanency of it all, because it just ain't true. (Hellos and good-byes are the warp and woof of Sabe, they are not part of Dura. And Sabe is only for a while. In Dura, there is only the High-US, forever above time.) Thus a 'Last' Good-bye to a Clear is ALWAYS AU REVOIR. ("Je te revoir", I will see you again.) And a 'First' Hello to a Clear is ALWAYS 'See, I told you so!' Once you declare a meeting as a 'First' Hello, you open the door for a 'Last' Good-bye. This is because a First Hello implies that in all of Eternity you have never met this fellow before, not even when you were all snoozing together in Native State. Clearly if you WERE separated for all of past eternity before now, until now, then you have come together for the first time. But if you have come together for the first time now, then you can go apart and never meet each other again for the second half of Eternity after now. The game then becomes to see 'How long can we stay together.' You ALWAYS lose in the end. Winning becomes staying together FOREVER (in time). This violates the finite WHILE in which created things exist. You either have always known each other forever (Ex Temporally), or one day you certainly will lose each other forever. It is YOUR (false) postulate that 'we just met, in all of past Eternity, we have NEVER known each other before' that opens the door to the possibility that separation can occur. You CAN be separated in the future because you WERE separated in the past. If you CAN be separated, then you WILL be separated again, given enough time and chance. Eternity is infinite both before now and after now. There has been an infinite amount of existence before now, and an infinite amount of existence after now. It may not all be in one universe or time stream as they are always finite whiles. And there may be lots and lots of Big Snooze time in Native State, but one Eternity is into the past and one Eternity is into the future. If you WERE separated for an ETERNITY in the past, until you met just now, then you CAN be separated for an ETERNITY in the future. If there is a finite probability of something occurring, then given an infinite amount of time, it is sure to happen. Thus if there is a probability that you can be separated again in the future, then you can be sure that given enough time you WILL be separated, possibly forever. What you postulate about your future is affected by what you have postulated about your past. That's why your past is so important to you, its because it shows you what your future can and may be like. You wouldn't give a damn about your past if it didn't say something about your future. You wouldn't need to 'go Clear', you wouldn't be carrying your bank around with you in full restimulation if your future were unrelated to your past. You WOULD be clear. A clear is someone whose future is not related to his past! The only reason past losses and sorrows hang around and charge up the engram bank is because the past loss implies future loss. The past is dead. The future is active. Your whole case hangs up and is kept alive by your PRESENT TIME anger, guilt, regret, fear, numb, sorrow and apathy about the future. Cause is in the present, there is no cause affecting you from the past. That is why auditing the past is a waste of time except to get at the postulates you made about your future! And all of those postulates are here right now in present time with you, keeping all your damn engrams in full restimulation! WHAT is in restim is the PAST (facsimiles). HOW it is in restim is in the PRESENT. WHY it is in restim is the FUTURE. So really all you got to do is open your eyes and look ahead down the time stream into the future to find out the points of charge that are keeping you overwhelmed. "How does your endless future seem to you now?" Run repetitively to E/P. E/P: "Fine." The PRIMARY postulates you made in the past that affected your future were postulates of FIRST HELLOS. First Hellos in the past imply Last Good-byes in the future. They both hinge on total irresponsibility for the Hello and Good-bye. A Last Good-bye is a loss, which is a secondary and charges up your engrams. But a First Hello is a loss too, its a gain of something YOU DIDN'T HAVE AND DIDN'T KNOW YOU DIDN'T HAVE. A First Hello is a DIDN'T HAVE. A Last Good-bye is a WON'T HAVE. Both are DON'T GOTS! There is actually more LOSS charge on the FIRST HELLO than there is on the Last Good bye. This is because it is an enormous violation of Sovereign Responsibility to run into someone or something that you didn't know existed. That's THE ARC Break! All surprise is a loss to an Omni Sovereign being, especially if he doesn't remember that he set these surprises up. The first surprise he ran into that he thought he had nothing to do with, was a real burn to him. However once the being buries the bad feelings about running into someone he never knew about, especially if he loves her, he will forget his ARC Break with meeting someone he didn't know, and try to make the best of things, which means playing the game of 'How long can we stay together?!' "Til death do us part". Oh that's a happy day all right. Thus he looks forward to the inevitable day of Last Good-bye, whether it be death of old age, or the Earth falling into the Sun, or the Galaxy falling into a Black Hole, or the Universe returning to State Zero. The CHARGE on the Last Good-bye comes from the charge on the First Hello and the surprise and violation of Sovereign Responsibility and Desire which that entailed. He THINKS he is resisting the last Good bye, and in deed he will resist it to his last breath, but the real resistance is to the First Hello. To solve his last good byes, he will SEEK new first hellos, but no matter how many he finds, if he finds any, new first hellos will never fill the hole left by a last good bye, and in fact will make them worse. No future first hello will EVER heal a past last good bye, but merely creates a new last good bye in the future. If you want to run out the death of mommy run out the First Hello to mommy in this life and all past and future lives. Being able to handle First Hellos and Last Good-byes almost defines a clear, and certainly handles the comings and goings of too much of things and too little of things. Thus a Clear doesn't stay charged up. Homer ADDENDUM So what are you looking for in all this auditing of secondaries and engrams? You want the POSTULATE that the person made during the incident. Rather than confront and as-is the incident as it happened, the person makes a negative postulate about life, which justifies shutting out that incident and which solidifies his new negative view on life. FUTURE LIFE. He carries around this negative view on future life, and this causes the engram to stay in chronic restimulation. When you get the postulate at the center of the engram, the incident will revivify completely and run out. If the incident reviv's first, make sure you get the postulate, or you will just be giving him 'another engram' in which he once again re makes and re affirms his negative postulate. What is a negative postulate? Here is an example from my own case. BACKGROUND: Life is a game. Games have rules. Penalties (pain) are assigned for breaking the rules. Aberrated people have also made sure that penalties are assigned for losing the game even if you play by the rules. For example, the penalties for stealing food when you are hungry are severe. But the penalties of not being able to find food are severe too, you starve to death. You get pain either way. Cheating is the effort to win the game of life by breaking the rules. POSTULATE: The penalties for losing the game are worse than the penalties for breaking the rules and being caught. Therefore it is better to break the rules, and to hell with honor, decency and fair play. Others are cheating at the game too, causing me to lose unfairly, therefore it is only fair that I cheat too, because it's not fair if I suffer the penalties of losing the game when I am playing fairly if others are cheating. Actually its not really fair that I suffer the TERMINAL penalties of losing the game while playing fairly, even if other's ARE playing fairly too. That's because it's unfair that a game exists where the penalties of losing are worse than the penalties of cheating. So I would rather take my risks stealing than starve to death. At worst they will catch me, put me in jail, and FEED me. Sounds good to me. In other words, honor, decency and fair play follow a lesser master than personal survival at all costs. It's the way of all mortals. Such a postulate made during a very heavy engram, especially during an engram where you perceive that others are cheating, and whom you blame for getting the engram, will cause the engram to stay in full restimulation as long as you carry its fundamental postulate along with you and ACT OUT OF IT. This is because 1.) the postulate was made on the time track IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ENGRAM, and also because the engram is needed to continue the justification of the overt acts of YOU cheating that lead from the postulate. The being has to continuously remind himself of why he is right, To Be a Master Scoundrel. The basic service fac computation that goes along with this is, 'There is nothing I can LOOK at that will help me enhance my own survival with regard to this matter. Therefore there is no sense in looking any more, it just reminds me of how bad things are, and clearly cheating is more advantageous than honor, decency and fair play.' EVERY engram and secondary that still needs to be run out has a negative postulate about life in the center of the engram or secondary. How do we know? Because the engram or secondary is still there to run out. It is the negative postulate in the center of the engram or secondary that WAS the justification for the act of NOT-ISing the incident. The incident won't AS-IS until you get the postulate, and when you get the postulate and AS-IS that, the incident will AS-IS, lift and erase. Why? Because the postulate SAYS that life is not worth LOOKING AT, it hurts too much. Not looking at something is NOT-ISing it, which is the opposite of AS-ISing it, and that which is not AS-ISed persists. Cheating is the effort to live life by not looking at it. The pain of the engram or secondary confirms the truth of the negative postulate to the preclear. Negative postulates come in chains, there are many engrams and secondaries hung on any one postulate, wherein the pc re-made or reaffirmed the truth of his negative consideration about life. The chain of incidents hung on ONE POSTULATE is more important than the chain of incidents hung on one attitude, emotion, sensation or pain. In other words if the chain you are going down is NOT a chain of one postulate or constellation of postulates, then that chain won't erase. You won't reach basic, because with each new incident you go back to on the chain, you are jumping chains to a new POSTULATE CHAIN! This causes everything to be restimulated and nothing to get erased. (Reference ACT-23 "Basic Basic on the Chain of Chains") http://www.clearing.org/archive?/homer/act23.memo Homer Tue Jan 13 12:43:14 EST 2015