AMNESIA AND THE WILL TO DIE.

      One does not forget the past.

      One forgets the future.

      The past reminds us of what the future will look like.

      If the future looks bad enough, we will lose our will to live for
real, to work for, consume and produce, and WANT BE DO HAVE and KNOW into
that intolerable future.

      In order to maintain any will to live at all, in spite of the
perceived future, we will choose to forget the future, and thus also
forget the past which reminds us of that future.

      If knowing the probable future does not enhance our future, then we
will choose to not know it in order to enhance our present for a while.

      But we not know that future by not knowing the past from which the
future portends.

      Thus amnesia of the past is actually amnesia of the future and is
fair chosen in order to maintain our will to live in the present at all.

      Thus we audit amnesia of the past by auditing amnesia of the
future, impending future disaster, and the desireability of oblivion of
the future and the past which portends it.

      Amnesia is the actuality of a won't remember hiding under the
apparency of a can't remember.

      Do we dare even consider for a moment that can't = won't?

      The problem in auditing amnesia then, is our will to live, which
has found a pretended 'safe' solution in not knowing both the past and
the future.

      We live instead in a little barely extendable bubble in present time, as 
if the context of that bubble does not matter, indeed as if there is NO 
context.

      Context is the what, where, when and WHY surrounding our present
situation held together by the causal threads that got us here to where we
are or are not.

      We wish to remember things in general and resent our amnesia, but
we are up against the very real possibility that if we do remember why
we chose to forget we would lose our will to live again.

      It would sag under the weight of our reawakened view of the future, and we 
just don't have it in us any more to reconstruct another state of amnesia to 
protect us from another bout of a dying will to live.

      The amnesia was a one time opportunity, if we break the amnesia now we may 
not have another chance to chernobyl ourselves again into a false sense of 
OKness.

      What future could there be so bad we wouldn't want to live in it
and put it there?

      Do you dare remember that future?

      Is "putting it there" so impotent that we couldn't perhaps, by
putting it there, change it from an unrecoverable disaster to something
better, even if doing so turned out to be the closest close call of all
time?

      And if our amnesia is of our own fair chosen choice, what prior
choices did we make that led us to a forboding future so intense that we
could not keep the fire of life alive in ourselves without blinding
ourselves to the truth of ourselves and the Cosmic All?

      Can we find even the tiniest amount of pity for ourselves in this
state of having chosen to not know our own fate so we could love and
laugh in our daze for just a while more?

      Does amnesia serve a purpose and what is that purpose?

      Are you willing to be the first to find out?

      What is a will to live anyhow, and why would anyone want one?

      Homer
Fri Jul  1 00:07:15 EDT 2016