PERFECTION BETWEEN PARENT AND CHILD

       Perfection is not measured in performance but in relatingness.

      The primary mistake is to blame a child for something that is not
his fault, or to accept a blame from a child for something that is not
your fault.

      But there is a whole litany of things that parents do to their
children who don't act like dolls in the parent's doll house.

      Lying to your child, not answering its questions about life
honestly, or telling it is too young, or too old when it isn't, over
protecting it, not training it in dangerous games, not giving it
responsibilities, not raising it to be a leader, not raising it to take
care of the parent in their old age, telling the child it can't
understand something, when the parent doesn't WANT the child to
understand, telling a child what it wants and doesn't want, pretending
the child has never lived before, teaching the child it won't live
again, teaching the child about heaven and hell forever rather than for
a while, inhibiting or enforcing sexual experiences, food or sleep, what
it can say, how it can say it, enslaving or imprisoning the child's
desire for self sufficiency to its own survival, and to contribute and
produce more than it can consume to take care of its own family later,
refusing to discuss how to rear a child ever night at dinner, and a
gobzillion more things that add up to crimes against children.

      It is possible to civilize a child without breaking it's spirit, or
putting it into its first murderous rage.

      First murderous rage needs to be run out clean as a whistle.

      That will produce a deity class GodSoul right there.

      The accumulation of breaks in Affinity, Agreement and
Communication, and problems, overts, withholds, computations and
justifications results in a destroyed relationship, because they are all
forms of non relating.

      But these can all be quickly rectified by apologies to full
resolution and restoration of love, respect and trust.

      A clean slate is not one that was never marred, but one that is
kept well erased.

      Everyone breaks the chalice with their one and only loved ones once
in a while.

      A relationship consists of moments of relating, and where two
people won't relate on a subject any more, the relationship is just that
dead in that area.

      Too much non relating, and the relationship dies.

      There can be 'agreeing to disagree' as long as it isn't under
duress, but too much of that can destroy a relationship too.

      Thus there is perfection to be maintained on both sides.

      A parent who feels that a perfect child is one who never talks
back, never asks why and expects a valid answer, never argues, never
questions the parent's wisdom, motives, integrity or honesty, will find
themselves in quick and permanent disagreement with a child who feels
that a perfect parent would never hold the views that they claim to.

      Monster feelings don't come from the monsterous things his parents
teach him, the child doesn't buy into any of it, monster feelings come
from the child's belief that his parents believe the garbage they are
telling him.

      He's got monsters pretending to be parents, teaching the child
monsterous things 'for his own good, to properly take care of him.'

      Not.  Monsters only take care of themselves and hope nobody notices.

      The child pretends to not notice as he can't afford to know he
is living with monsters as parents, rather than kamikazeeing them as
he should.

      Cowardice wins the day, spot it an run it as cowardice and courage.

      The most monsterous thing that parents teach kids is that there are
no monsters, let alone monsters impostering themselves as parents.

      Thus it is a simultaneous equation between both parent and child to
conceive the ideal sit between them, come to an agreement, and then live
by it, and resolve it when it goes wrong.

      Own up, apologize and repent of breaking the ideal relationship.

      If no agreement can be reached, then the child should never have
been born, and the parent bred out of season and for the wrong reason.

      Yes sometimes both parent and child will prefer to not
discuss some things that are just too heavy for the moment.

      When something like that comes up in conversation between adults or
TV, and the parents give the child who is listening in a worried look,
its such a joy and relief when the child says coyly "Yeah I am not old enough to
deal with that yet, I am going out to play."

      "Let me know when it safe to join the relating again."

      Remember the child is not the possession of the parent, the child
is the WARD of a parent who are his GUARDIAN.

      Getting agreement between ward and guardian that they are
ward and guardian and why goes a long way to make he child more
than happy to be guarded for a while, as long as he is shown
a route to become guardian himself sooner than later.

      Children will back off naturally once they see themselves getting
in over their own heads, 'Oh that is what daddy was talking about,
right, I am out of here, he can talk to me about it later (like 6 months
from now.)'

      The child thus come to manage his own maturity level and is willing
and eager to look to his guardians to make sure he does it right.

      There is no greater debonding event than a break in the ward
and guardianship function of the parent and child relationship.

      Just as you have the Auditor's Code and the Preclear's Code, so too
do you have the Parent's Code and the Child's Code.

      There needs to be continuing ROCK SOLID agreement on both between
both at all times.

      Keeping the slate clean on both sides will guarantee the
continuance of the perfect parent or perfect child feeling.

      "You are the best mommy/daddy in the world!"

      "You are the best son/daughter in the world!"

      I am sure you know the feeling of saying it and hearing it.

      Gratefulness, love, respect and pride in the other.

      If you don't, I know a church that will charge you all you own and
fail to restore it to you.

      And then charge you a surtax for routing you off lines.

      You know there is a whole rundown that can be made out of this.

      It is probably the main reason people come into the Church in the
first place, but when they don't get it, they are told it is a hidden
standard.

      The preclear is reminded that his duty is to take what he gets and
not get what he wants.

      "Sign here..."

      Anyhow word clear 'best' and 'worst' with the preclear and then get
him to list out the items of his life on ALL dynamics plus some, they
don't have to be people, they can be objects.

      When the preclear debonds with mama dearest, he will rebond with
tape recorders or some such thing.

      He will want the object in his grave with him or buried next to
him.

      The saddest thing in the world to him would be to lose his
tape recorder, his life would be ruined.

      Each one of these objects is a token first love. so watch it.

      Find the item or items that make the meter SMOKE and shake the
table, and then run:

      Conceive saying to the item "You are the worst (item) in the whole
world!"

      Conceive saying to the item "You are the best (item) in the whole
world!"

      E/P Crying and Laughing too hard to continue.

      If no result, YOU are dead, and would probably do well to solo
'auditor' and preclear' as the items.

      One doesn't have to trust that the other will never err again, but
only that if they do, you can resolve it.

      Faith and trust is built up between people by living and
experiencing each other over a long period of time though tough
times.

      Faith alone will carry a friendship along regardless of
the momentary apparancies of betrayal, until true resolution is found
again.

      Spot the times your preclear was riding on faith alone.

      These come before the times he gave up on faith and debonded.

      KNOWING YOU CAN RESOLVE ANY IRRESOLUTION IN A RELATIONSHIP, AND
THAT ALL PARTIES ARE NEGOTIATING IN GOOD FAITH, will itself keep a
relationship going during the worst moment of irresolution.

      When the good faith bit goes under suspicion though, the
relationship goes out the tubes quickly.

      This happens for example when the parent doesn't want the child to
know something, because the parent doesn't want to know or think about
something himself.

      When resolution of breaks happens enough times, the child gets the
'best parent in the world' cognition and retains it for the rest of
their lives and will tend to pass it along to their own children.

      Its a kind of "I can have FAITH IN YOU, regardless of external
apparancies."

      Any child that enjoyed BEING a child and HAVING parents, will enjoy
BEING a parent and HAVING children.

      You have to try oh so hard not to.

      Permanently debonding with a primary care taker is WORK.

      Superiorly obnoxious work.

      Most of those people who don't want to have children, didn't want
to have parents after a short stint with them.

      Debonding from one's parents is a serious moment, and must be run
out of any ARC broken child's life.

      When one debonds from one's parents, one tends to debond from
everything else too.

      Remember Mother is the name of God on the lips of little children.

      And so it is all the way up the dynamics.

      What the child thinks of mother will become what the child thinks
of everything and everyone including God.

      Parents give a child purpose to live, reason to be, to contribute,
take care of, and return the favor of the guardianship the parent did
for the child.

      With out love, respect and PRIDE for parents, the child is out of a
job for life, namely winning the love, respect and pride of his parents
for himself and then passing that on to his kids.

      No one expects perfection in performance, but they do expect
perfection in resolution.

      ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG, OR GET THE OTHER TO SEE YOU WERE NOT.

      Don't just drop it into the festering void of oblivion.

      My family accumulated one horrific irresolution after the other and
then died on me without any effort to resolve any of them.

      So in clearing I have to resolve it all for them, and voila the
perfect parent appears again in my heart.

      I make it sound easy, 40 years later, and THOUSANDS of hours of
soloing mother dearest, and I still like to crack mother jokes, but now
sometimes they make me feel bad and dishonest.

      But the bad times are erasing, and all that is left is the beauty
of the substrate underlying all the nonsense.

      Ideal mothers are way cool, even if my real mother had
a sit going with idealness.

      Run

      "Conceive an non ideal mother."
      "Conceive an     ideal mother."

      We are talking serious beauty and ugly here, way beyond candyland
and stardrive.

      The love between mother and child  is worth it.

      YOU CAN'T GO CLEAR WITHOUT IT, as it turns you into the perfect
child, and the perfect mother yourself in past and future time, and you
can start bonding again with more than your cats.

      Oh are they gonna be jealous.

      And my tape recorder, its going to be crying tears when it finds
itself on the top of a junk yard pile after I die.

      Homer

Thu Oct 11 16:54:42 EDT 2018