In the bad hair day department...

Clearing Archive Roboposter  wrote:
> To get out of the immobility condition you should make a list of
> incomplete cycles. Number them by orders of will find
> that you will have your correct next step on that list in most cases.
> You will find there is one thing that if you do it, it will resolve all
> other incompletes.
> Alan

       This is a major statement, and 30 years later, look as I may, I
have never found anything that indicates as the next unresolved thing I
should go out and do.

       I am trying, believe me I am trying.

       "What is/was interesting?"
       "What is/was not interesting?"

       For the Church it was ALWAYS pay us more money, you are incomplete
on paying us more money!

       For old auditors, it was always, you haven't given it enough

       For new auditors, it was always, come get auditing from ME, I am
not as all those other SP's who audited you.

       I don't doubt Alan's comments but I do doubt the ability of anyone
to find the item on anyone.

       I don't care how high anyone is, if they are smiling they are
lying, so freaked out they are cool again.

       Many people claim to be happy through auditing, they can face their
endless future with interest and aplomb.  I don't believe it, I just
don't believe it.  Not for one fucking second.

       You are lucky to come UP to terror through auditing.

       Overwhelm is never being able to come up to anger.

       I mean really effective anger, toast their sorry asses FOREVER all
over the god damn universe.

       Nail its single eyeball to the floor of hell and watch all its
life ooze out.

       LRH talks about freedom from overwhelm OT III, again I just don't
believe that beings prior to OT III were well and happy and thought
Source was cool, and everything is fine around here.

       They were living a fucking nightmare that no one could confront.
Impoundment in a pineapple can (packaged in Hawaii) was a relief to
them.  It was the coming of the last messiah to give them respite
through eternal sleep and death in a graveyard of a 100 trillion others.

       No I think beings have hated existence from the word go, that the
impulse to come into existence is the most hideous alien motivation
possible, and that between lives is so dark and empty, that beings go
screaming mad to get into another body as fast as possible.

       All this crap about seeing the light, and voices telling us it's
not time to leave yet, to come back etc, we haven't accomplished our
agreed upon mission, is all just prerecorded crap, left behind by aliens
thousands of millions of years ago, to make sure beings never left this
Sargasso Sea for sick, dead and dying thetans, this Bermuda Triangle of
the Soul called Earth and its near companions.

       Those aliens are themselves long ago sunk to the bottom of the
triangle as we are now heading.

       I get the eerie feeling that we are all in a deadly trap, set by
aliens so old they don't exist any more, there is no zoo keeper, no
asylum wards, no intergalatic cops, marcab is a ghost civilization with
nothing but tumble weeds rustling in the wind, if there is any wind or
atmosphere left, the whole place from here to Timbuktu is completely
unguarded, and yet we live in locked cells, terrified to get out, can't
stand the darkness outside, afraid of what is in the dark, absolutely
nothing and no one forever and ever, and forever whirlpooling downward
into spiritual death, pretending we can die as mortal bodies because we
are terrified out of our wits end that we can't die and want to.

       Of course it could be just me that is this way, and everyone else
is looking forward to seeing their loved ones again in the light when
they die.

       Me when I die, I don't think I will be surrounded by loved ones, I
don't have any, no one loved me in this life, they certainly ain't going
to change their minds in the afterlife.  Nope I will be surrounded by
dead assholes for as far as the eye can see.

       And they will all be coming after me with hands outstretched crying
'You shouldn't have!  You shouldn't have.'

       Or maybe its "How could you have?  How could you have?"

       Along with endless shitheads going Prove it, Prove it!

       And if there is a big lever that opens the coal shutes to hell, and
if they are giving out free pushes to those willing to push it, I will
be there forever to hold the shutes open so all the dead assholes can
find their final resting place as ashes at the bottom of the abyss.

       Better to be alone for eternity than to suffer the blood sucking
crap they call being loved in this universe.

       I remember the movie Flatliners, yes the after life is benign, no it 
isn't benign, yes it is benign, no it isn't benign...

       I have never felt inbetween lives was benign.

       And I have never felt the original impulse to manifest was benign

       And for all those sweetness and light cases, I will be there the
day the lights go out forever on them, and I will hear the wailing and
gnashing of their teeth as a symphony, while the little shits find out
for real what good their love ever did them.

       But for all that, what of beauty?

       What of Candy Land, Star Drive, and Excaliper Beauty, oh so
friendly as to self luminesce in the night of the mind?

       Is beauty merely the play thing of the Devil, to add insult to
injury in our final demise?

       Or is beauty sovereign?

       How alien can beauty be anyhow?

       Spot NO alien beauty.

       Spot SOME alien beauty.

       Spot NO friendly beauty.

       Spot SOME friendly beauty.


Tue May 11 02:19:11 EDT 2010

Mon Dec 28 17:40:57 EST 2015