SESSION NOTES 1/29/2013

      OK.  I am rollercoastering wildly.

      Had a really good run with Jane on,

      Get the idea of

      Something you want to not be.
      Something you want to be.

      Something you want to not do.
      Something you want to do.

      Something you want to not have
      Something you want to have.

      Something you want to not know.
      Something you want to know.

     I ran it muzzled Model Session II, with simple OK's as my response,
and tried to stay away from digging for or speaking about specific
things, although of course some came up.  Took about 30 minutes to dig
deep.

     The process really started to bite on DO *AND* NOT DO.

     No specifics but it was clear that EVERYTHING I do is a do AND not
do at the same time.  51.0 percent do, and 49.0 percent not do, and
things get done :)

     I run a lot of 'What is right, What is wrong?', because it is
apparent that EVERYTHING I AM DOING IS WRONG.

     This led into OFF PURPOSE again, and OPPOSED/OPPOSING, and it would
seem that there are major oppterms in my NOTS casings which are made of
beings still working to die, enslave, etc.  They don't want to be this
way most of them, but they think their mother will be skinned and dumped
outside as an ant farm if they don't cooperate with the enslavers.

     Simple NOTS (auditing other beings in vicinity) handling alleviates
the term/oppterm tension until the next layer.  But I will tell you, its
not the goals in opposition that cause all the problem, its the level of
wild abandon that the overts reached on each side trying to deal with or
wipe out the other, and the collateral damage.  Each side has probably
caused more harm to their own side than the other side during this war.

     (It is indeed the goals in opposition that cause the problem, but
one might have to dust off the damage first before one can see them
clearly or at all.)

     That's the sticky tar the being can't see through or dig his way
out of it, because he will never live it down: "Who killed my cat!"

     There is a good possibility he did, while trying to kill the bad
guy's cat, and when its one's own parents, mate, children or teammates
that get killed as unintended collateral damage, it can be a soul
crusher.

     Part of my sorrow on Mira, was that she was an experiment on my
part of taking care of a semi wild cat, spade but abandoned.  I was
doing it for me, it gave me something to do, and although she
appreciated being fed every day after hunting her down with the radio, I
was in love with the game, so she ended up dead.  Of course I also saved
her life at least twice including when she first came to us.  But the
self blame remains and leads right down the channel of sorrow.  Like
Hubbard said about squeezing the kitten too hard because you adored it
so, freaked it out and it died in your arms.  You love the kitten but
the kitten thinks you are a boa, and so buys the farm on credit.

     Also on Black V I ran a lot of

     "Put a NO mockup there, and not know what it is."

     That loosened up things measurably and made it abundantly clear
that blackness is not nothing there but something there.

     I think I mentioned already one of the most powerful unlimited
processes there is was:

       "Get the idea there is nothing there."
       "Get the idea there is something there."
       "Get the idea there is no one there."
       "Get the idea there is some one there."

     The someone/noone grants life, we are auditing elementals after all
that are making the black MEST mockups of the time track.

     The two guys who are mocking up the unwanted scene and the
blackness covering it are WAY more important to audit that the unwanted
scene or the blackness taken as mere recording of MEST happenstance.

     Yes we care what happened, but we are hiring out the chronic
remindering of the incident to a couple of mercenary mockup creators to
keep it in restim.

     This is why humans never solved this problem, they think they are
alone in a dead MEST universe, when in fact their mind and bodies and
every thought are MADE of elemental conscious units BEING those things,
there isn't a dead particle in existence anywhere, and can't be!

     Even the experience of death has to be mocked up by a living unit.

     Also looking at blackness isn't BEING blackness, remember a being
creates by BEING, *THEN* by standing back and looking at it from 'a
distance'.  That scene over there that he can't confront looking at is
really something he daren't BE first.

     That's why solo NOTS can be better run as

     "WHAT AM I?"
     "WHO  AM I?"

     You and your preclears are being something hideous, so
hideous he can see it as it might kill him.

     "If looks could kill, they probably will..."

     He also has a lot of pulled in encrustation of unspeakable
monstrosities to keep him contained so he CAN'T BE it and hurt someone.

     The monstrosities don't help much as they also act as an endless
motivator that poke him incessantly into becoming and dramatizing what
he is trying not to be.

     He has to be willing to BE it, to deal with it safely.  and resolve
his AND on whether to BE or NOT BE.

     So run the cycle, BE -> SEPARATE -> LOOK AT ACROSS A DISTANCE.  The
distance doesn't exist anyhow, its an illusion in consciousness, but the
insertion of that illusion is enough of an alter-is to make the mockup
un as-isable, and unconfrontable.  You can always confront what you can
BE, it is the movement from BE-ER to LOOKER and the resulting (illusory)
separation between LOOKER and LOOKED-AT that causes persisting pain, no
matter what the mockup.

     Then I started to solo a really long and rough run of:

      What is the worst thing about your future?
      What is the best thing about your future?

     Probably should have run past present and future.

     (Its a terrible process as it runs the preclear at effect rather
than as cause, so don't run it as written.)

     But I figure "The past is used to excuse the future, and the future
is used to make up for the past, via our present time considerations
that we are failing miserably."

     Also the past is WHAT is in restim, but the future is WHY it is in
restim, and the present provides the HOW it is in restim if only we
could see it.

     Anyhow on worse thing about the future, I got a very deep covered
in pain item about not having a father old enough to be dead out of the
gate next life time.  But it went all over the place, was a good run,

     I keep crying about Mira, cold dead crushed body etc, what ever
happened to well and happy human being, I ask you?

     How do you live and care deeply and keep it together in this valley
of the shadow of death?  They say its a shadow, but man, looks real as
cold dead meat to me.

     The difference between an alive thing and a dead thing is almost
unspannable, and the fall between the high of life and the low of death
is as steep and deep as the abyss of sorrow.

     This 'I got to be a God' stuff to not puke all day long at what is
going on makes it hard :)

     I don't want to be a God (no bias) and I don't want to be a human
(bias).  The minute you care (bias) for anything here, your heart is
crucified.

     The ANDS are monumental.

     Don't want to live forever AND don't want to die forever.

     Don't want to BE AND don't want to NOT BE.

     I suppose only an AND could drive a GodSoul crazy and keep
persistence in TimeStone (MESTF) going long enough to suffer.

     MESTF = Matter, Energy, Space Time and Force.

     Below postulates, force is the proxy for cause in the physical
universe.

     Homer

- ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer Wilson Smith   Clean Air, Clear Water,    Art Matrix - Lightlink
(607) 277-0959       A Green Earth, and Peace,  Internet, Ithaca NY
homer@lightlink.com  Is that too much to ask?   http://www.lightlink.com

> Hello Homer, another black case here.   My auditor (he seems to be back
> online now) asked me some questions about how I mock things up (or don't),
> and started to look like a compulsive not-is of all "present time" scenes,
> objects, etc..   In basic, must know butted up against must not know.
> Already did CCHs and that helped.   Doing Dennis' repair of importances
> (with some help to stay focused).
>
> Yes, I used to see dead civil war soldiers in the woods.   Timebreaking
> seems to have keyed that out.
>
> Dennis' processes, done as instructed, are not a bandaid, and sometimes the
> patient needs a bandaid too.   Maybe they are a bandaid, just that pc
> cannot stay the fidgets when in solo mode.
>
> Running Level 4 To Enhance was a bandaid and helped with livingness,
> key-outs, but not much help to enable me to do the Level 2 instructions
> without mental flights.   I feel like a kid with a beautiful new bike and
> cannot ride it.   Training wheels?
>
> Okay, back to it.   Thank you for the post -- very timely.
>
Tue Jan 29 21:12:27 EST 2013
Wed Oct  3 15:00:04 EDT 2018