HELP Part 2 - DEPENDENCY

      PROLOGUE

     It will be very hard to audit anyone on the following material
until they have been cleared on desire and view, for one of the ways
that parents ruin children is by teaching them the lies of non
sovereignty.

     In particular the mortal mind set quickly turns any being into a
zombie, who can't have anything that they want, and therefore must want
everything they have, which is a tombstone at the end of their grave.

      There is nothing sadder than a mortal child, and teaching them
either death forever or hell forever is child abuse pure and simple.

     Even if the child doesn't believe a word of it for a while, the
horror he feels at believing his parents believe it will eventually
overwhelm him into believing it too.

     "It couldn't feel this bad if it weren't true."

     One way to stop the Zombie meme passing on from parent to child, is
to teach the child early on to respond to every parental assertion with
"You don't know that."

     That will put the parent in his place where he belongs, and if the
child turns out wrong, he will learn to apologize with grace.

     The parent is free to use it on the child too, hopefully the child
will mimic back, and a relationship of respect for view will develop
between them.

     "If you don't like it, it probably isn't true."

     On the surface that might sound crazy, but if you look deep to the
mind and heart of a GodSoul, it is the only path, because at the top
there is perfect accord between desire and view.

     If there weren't the GodSoul would remain eternally irritated at
the All_That_Is where it did not agree with his fundamental desires.

     Since everything that is created comes from a GodSoul with absolute
veto power over his own creations and those of others in his own dream,
anything created must have met his pleasure when it was first created,
thus perfect accord is the mother of creation.

     Thus even any disaccord to follow later must have been approved of
when it was first conceived and created.

     DEPENDENCY

     Now there is something that happens to a being while mortal that is
peculiar to being in a body.  He gets born as a baby when he is utterly
dependent on his parents for survival.

     Since his parents, no matter how good they are, are usually Zombie
Zoners, as he is soon to become, there will be certain events during his
childhood which will make him wish dearly that he was not dependent upon
them, and to never enter a parent/child relationship with them again.

      This is called debonding.

     For some, there will be very little to debond over, for others, the
child wants to kill his parents out of the gate.

     But he is unable to break that relationship without killing himself
and perhaps kamikaze-ing them, and so he begins the process of surviving
by succumbing, by creating MORE limitations on his already limited
existence in order to make himself sick, unable, or accident prone, so
as to win the sympathy and cooperation, and avoid the domination, of his
parents and other significant team mates.

     "Eat this, don't eat that, say this, don't say that, learn this,
don't learn that, sleep now, don't sleep then" etc.  The child has
become a doll in the parent's doll house.

     The parents think their child is THEIR child, their possession, to
do with as they will, rather than their responsibility to the greater
community of man kind.

      Your parents are supposed to BE ON YOUR SIDE in the game of
survival.

     The parent wants the child to learn how to talk so they can teach
him what not to say.

     The child first tries forthright complaint to right the blunt and
crass injustices heaped upon him, and failing that, he takes to
unexpressed resentment or propitiation towards his parents and covert
hostility TOWARDS HIMSELF, to render himself and his body sick and
unable.

     All chronic psychosomatic conditions are the result of a covert
intention to succumb, based on the service computation that the way to
live is to die, or the way to survive is to succumb, the way to be able
it to be disabled, the way to be loved is to be sick, dead, or dying, or
something of that sort.

     There are millions of them, and the EXACT wording must be found for
it to free up.  This is because the words are in the very engrams he is
using, and the engrams will not revivify, release and/or erase unless
the exact words in the engram are found.

     Since the child was dependent at the time of these events, and
since his efforts to harm himself made him MORE dependent, and since
these efforts are never relieved, but are compounded by more of the same
kind of thing that he does to HIS children later on when the child grows
up, he carries with him multiple layers of BEING DEPENDENT ON OTHERS TO
SURVIVE, and MAKING OTHERS DEPENDENT ON HIM TO SURVIVE.

     The natural dependency of childhood on others goes away as he
matures, but the computational dependencies become utterly inexorable
and intractable, which is why visits them on his children when he KNOWS
he hated it when his parents did it to him.

     He is no longer able to think beyond doing the wrong thing to
deal with life and his own progeny.

     So the first thing that needs to be addressed on your preclear's
case is getting him to a point where he is ADEQUATE TO HIS OWN SURVIVAL.

     That means he can hold a job that he likes, save up for his old
age, and generally be able to live and breathe alone for himself.

     He doesn't have to support a girlfriend, wife or family, and he
doesn't have to run a business with employees, and he doesn't have to
make a million dollars.

     He just has to be able to be adequate to his own survival so he
depends on nothing and no one for his next meal, job, place to live,
creative tools to keep him busy, and he can pay for his own tombstone in
the end.

     Since the events that led him to create crippling computational
dependencies on others were based on an effort to win their help and
allay their hostilities towards him, the way to resolve these issues is
a direct address to being dependent, as a child, on teammates who are
not playing "all for one and one for all," and the injustices that
occurred therein.

     For example, mother feels most useful when the child feels most
useless, so mother makes sure the child is not allowed to feel useful to
himself or others.

     In a rage, the child gets sick, whooping cough, nearly dies,
and has mother in tears and regret about having been so mean.

     This makes a gorgeous, and I do mean BEAUTIFUL, villain, victim,
golden ally engram which the child can then use for the rest of his life
to keep is mother in line with reminders of guilt and regret.

     The child was born with a very high native sense of justice and
where justice was violated with no regard for his well being, the being
is driven into unexpressed anger and resentment, and finally covert
hostility towards himself to make himself sick.

      At first he knows he is doing it, but since he is using ENGRAMS,
which are moments of unawareness through force and pain, to bring about
these results on his body, he eventually loses awareness of what he is
doing, and the injury to self and body becomes automatic.

     He also becomes ashamed of his 'survive by dying' behavior, and so
he hides it from himself regardless of how provoked he was, and how
necessary it might have been to his survival.
 
     He is a kid, judging himself as a God.

     That is in part why they are called PSYCHO SOMATICS, because he has
gone psycho in creating them, and later psycho in trying to stop them.

     Psychosis is the effort to stop what one considers he didn't start.

     Psychosis is total devotion to trying to stop something.

     Since the way to stop any creation is to start it again and then
let it go, if a being can't start the creation again, he can never stop
it, and thus he becomes totally devoted to stopping what he considers he
never started.  Thus he fails.

     These psychotraumatic (same thing) conditions are created to deal
with the prior injustices, and thus an address to these earlier
injustices will lead to the reason why he created them, and the moment
he did.  At that point he can stop doing these things to himself, and
reevaluate the usefulness of self directed covert hostility.

     Now at this point it is important to notice that if the being is
STILL dependent on the suppressive parents or teammates, he will find it
hard to let go of surviving by succumbing, but if he is an adult and
free to speak his mind and go off and do his own things, then erasure of
these events is possible.

     Even with the child still under suppression you should be able to
bring him up to where he at least knows what he is doing, and remains
good at doing it, and the child will also know exactly why he is doing
it rather than putting it all on automatic, asking 'where did this come
from?'

     A clear can make himself sick at will, and a child that is making
himself sick at will is far better off than an adult that no longer has
any clue where all the suffering is coming from.

     JUSTICE

     Justice is fair exchange, it really has little to do with
punishment which is usually imposing an injustice on another in
retribution for an injustice.

     On Earth justice amounts to two wrongs make a right.

     True justice has everything to do with agreements, and in
particular agreements as to duties and rights.

     From the basic catechism of Adore:

     "For every duty there is a right, and for every right there is a
duty.  You have a duty to have rights, and you have a right to have
duties.  Rights are fair chosen exchange for fair chosen duties.

      Justice is an operating balance of duties and rights.

      If you would protect your rights, defend your duties.

     If you would protect your duties, defend your rights.

      The fundamental duty is honor, and the fundamental right is
dignity.

      Honor is the ability to make keep and trade fair chosen promises.

      Dignity is being the sole operator of yourself.

      This I need to be true and this I adore." -From Adore.

     An injustice then is any violation of the fair chosen agreements
between parent and child of their respective duties and rights.

     Mother has a duty to feed the child and therefore the child has a
right to be fed.

     So mother makes breakfast for the child and then eats it herself.

     Child has a right to cry when hungry, and mother has a duty to
respond.

     Mother refuses to respond while the child is crying not wanting to
spoil the child, and only responds after the child stops crying from
apathy and wanting to die.  Every meal becomes a near death experience
for the child.

      How hungry do you have to be to stop screaming for food?

      Ever starve something you loved to death on purpose?

     Morbid fascinations with evil of this order mean that the preclear
has had it done to him and may have done it to others in the past.

     Or mother likes to get the child to stop crying by shaking it hard
enough to injure its neck.  Also mother likes to suffocate the child
with hand over face until the child is unconscious in order to get it to
be quiet or get sympathy from emergency visits to the hospital with the
unconscious child.

     These are extreme examples, but even in good families there are
signature injustice events that cause the child to go into a murderous
rage for the first time in his life.

     No one is exempt, and they can be found during the learning
phase of language when the parent first uses illogic against the child
to assert a wrong position and dominate the child into accepting it.

     Thus the auditor seeks each and every moment of murderous rage
between parent and child, and in particular the first moment of
murderous rage in this life, and then in any life.

     YOU NEED TO SPOT AND RUN OUT EACH AND EVERY MOMENT OF MURDEROUS
RAGE IN THIS LIFE AND EVERY PAST LIFE in order to produce a well and
happy human being.

     If these are not resolved and remediated with apologies, tears and
laughter ALL AROUND, they remain as festering sores and will be dealt
with by the child with a vengeance one way or another.

     In most families children are taught to talk, but then they are
punished for talking and expressing themselves.

     "This is a good word, and that is a bad word, and you shouldn't
know what that word means..."

     "You are too young for this, you are too old for that."

     Ask any child of any age what all the words he knows are, and you
will find in the words he DOESN'T know, all the things the parents don't
want him in communication with.

     Thus in many instances, in the absence of outright monster mothers,
much of the covert warfare takes place during the time from just before
being able to speak and just after.

     A child will forgive its parents for just about anything,
particularly during the time when it can't talk.  But once the child
begins to say 'Mother that isn't fair', and gets back the usual 'Shut up
you little sh*t machine', or the "We are your only parents and you are
expendable" routine, the child goes into blame towards the parents.

     Now blame can take three different directions.

     The mother can accept the blame and say "you are right, I have been
an insensitive selfish thoughtless incompetent bitch, and I owe you an
apology."

     That's the end of it.

     Or the mother can refuse the blame, trying to pin it back on the
child as the child's fault, or refuse the blame with force, smacking the
child across the face with 'How dare you talk to me like that..."

     The first case is called failure of blame by reversal, and the
second is failure of blame by force.

     In these two instances the CHILD FEELS GUILT even though it is the
mother who is at fault.

     This results in the covert war of covert hostility towards himself
that the child engages in to make himself more acceptable to the
suppressive teammates involved.  It can be particularly bad when both
mother and father gang up on the child, because then the child has no
one to appeal to.

     At some point the child will permanently debond, not only with his
parents, but with PARENTING AND HAVING CHILDREN in general, and they
will grow old and die lonely and without children and possibly without
mates.

     This is the genesis of loneliness.

     Ask a child if they want to marry someday and have children.  If
they look glum or say no, watch out, there is/was a psycho parent in the
background ruining this child's future and temperament.

     It will be the parent that smiled the most to the public.

     First put the parent in therapy, never the child.  A clear parent
will heal any child automatically.

      OK, so that's the first thing we want to handle in all our
preclears, unresolved debondings whether great or small, and covert
hostilities towards self resulting in chronic unwanted conditions.

     The child has to HATE his parents and then himself in order to get
stuck with a chronic somatic.  Later sympathies for his parents may bury
his hate under a cover of numb, but the somatic remains as long as the
hate/symapthy relationship remains uncovered and unexpressed.
 
     You can not make a volcano go away by pouring concrete down its
throat.

     Address is towards injustice between parent and child, and the
resulting resentment of natural dependency, followed by the creation of
computational dependencies which make things better by making things
worse, for a while, but become a chronic problem later.

     Specifically address is towards unexpressions of any kind, the
child must be free to speak its mind at all times, in particular about
dependency, basic purposes, justice and fair exchange.

      Spot NO   unexpression.
      Spot SOME unexpression.

     If the child doesn't feel free to speak on any subject, you have a
dangerous psychotic suppressive parent at the helm, at least on that
subject.

     APOLOGY

     Apology is a Janus two faced word, in that it has two diametrically
opposite meanings.

      1.) A statement of acknowledgement expressing regret, or requesting
pardon for a fault or offense.

      2.) A formal justification or defense for the transgression.

      In all fairness to good parents, everyone is born with a lot of
baggage from their whole track.

     Every being is carrying around a time track of his past history in
this universe.  The body has its own time track that is separate from
the being in the body (who doesn't belong there by the way), and the
body is surrounded by many other beings intimately involved with the
body who have their own time tracks too.  And all of these beings have
time tracks they have bought or stolen or traded with others down
through time.

     As time tracks contain a complete record of everything, both good
and bad, that the being has experienced AND DONE, it has a lot of charge
in it that makes it almost impossible to carry along with you without
getting you into trouble.

     The primary claim to fame for a time track is its tendency to
restimulate in moments that are similar to present time.  The kid is
being spanked in this life for stealing candy, the same being was
publicly whipped to death for stealing gold from the king 500 years ago.

     Maybe the whipping happened to the being, maybe it belongs to the
body or its spiritual team mates, maybe its from a bought or stolen time
track.

     It doesn't matter, if it comes into restimulation during a
spanking, you can expect the child to have an 'inappropriate' reaction.

     Even if the parents are utterly perfect, the ups and downs of life,
school, work, war etc will restimulate a being's whole track and produce
wild and unexpected behavior, usually not appropriate to the situation
at hand.  This can range from heated words to murder.

     Usually a being knows when he has over reacted, and the natural
tendency is to apologize for this behavior and make amends to the
wounded party.

     Sometimes the wounded party accepts the apology, sometimes not.

     Often however the being has no clue where the behavior came from,
it just takes him over and 'makes him do it,' and he feels deep shame
and chagrin at this, sometimes blaming it on the people who were
restimulating him, driving him crazy, making him trigger happy.

     In these cases the being will be tempted to make himself right and
the other wrong, and thus justify his over reaction.  This leads to the
odd situation where the being feels down deep that it was wrong, but has
to outwardly assert that it was right.  This includes then the tendency
to do it again and again when the restimulation calls for it, but
restrain it over and over and punish him self for it because it is
wrong.

      The action in question becomes both right AND wrong.

     This right wrong oscillation is one form of pure insanity.

     Now parents have no idea where this stuff comes from either, AND
THEY ARE GUILTY OF OVER REACTIONS THEMSELVES WHEN THEY WERE CHILDREN,
AND AS ADULTS TOWARDS THEIR OWN CHILDREN.

     So wars get started between parent and child where a few apologies
traded back and forth would have brought peace.

     For example, parents don't like a friend their child brings home,
and they thoughtlessly refuse to let him play with the friend.  The
parents in this case may be right, but child doesn't see it that way.

     2000 years ago, this child's parents kept him away from the one
true love of his life and arranged behind his back to have her killed.
He found out about this before it happened, but could not stop the
murder, and when he learned his parents were directly involved he
debonded from them forever.

      So now, the child goes into a fury over being criticized for his
new friend.  It can take some very big parents to bring the child to
present time, and separate the two events.

     If instead they get angry at the child and use force to separate
him from his new friend, telling the child to obey and suck it up
without question or recourse, the child may debond for good, and the
parents will lose, for the child will abandon them to die alone without
his care in old age.

     Always use reason first before force or deceit, the child does.

     Parents should give their children some tools against the parent's
own insanities.  For example teach your child early on to tell you that
if you keep at it, he won't take care of you in your old age.

     Anyhow apologies are important, but can never be forced.  A parent
who tells his child to apologize for something the child is still
furious about will be rewarded with a full fledged debonding that won't
heal until the PARENT apologizes to the child for overriding the child's
self determined affinities or lack thereof.

     BLAME

     Blame happens when someone or something does something wrong to you
and you punish them back.
 
     Usually the villain apologizes, the victim accepts and mutual
affinity is restored.

     Sometimes the victim will punish the wrong person, and so the
victim now becomes a villain.  The victim will then blame the true
perpetrator for having turned him accidentally into a villain.

     Mother has a bad habit of moving child's toys where he can't find
him.  One day child gets furious at mother for doing this, but finds
this time his toy had been misplaced by someone else.  Now he owes
mother an apology who has been jerking him around for ages, and
ridiculing his upsets on the matter, and he blames the person who did
move his toys for irritating him to a point where he blamed his mother
when she was innocent.

      "Now I am guilty because of you."

     But he also still blames his mother for all the past times she did
mess with his stuff and never apologized, so he is caught in a
humiliation of having to apologize to an enemy, his mother, someone who
might have deserved an apology in the present instance, but certainly
didn't deserve an apology for a long run of past incidents that had been
building up to overflow.

     Mother's gloat over his humiliation doesn't help.

     About the worst thing a being can do is blame another for his own
crimes.  The other gets punished and the being has a major withhold for
the rest of time.

     Goober has been warned over and over again never to play with
matches.  One day he is playing with matches and burns the house down.
No one is harmed, but when asked who did it, Goober says Dufus his
friend from next door did it.  Goober's father, who never liked his
neighbors anyhow, storms next door and sets Dufus's house on fire, which
burns to the ground, killing Dufus and his mother.

     Goober's father goes to jail, and Dufus's father suspecting Goober,
swears eternal vengeance against Goober.

     Goober later arranges for Dufus's father to be killed, and the
matter and accusations are dropped and forgotten.

     Goober now has a multi layered skeleton in his closet which is very
hard to audit out.

     Sometimes a being can't figure out who is at fault, and gets into
an indecision on blame and or apology.

     Thus the blame stays alive and the apology is never given, all
powered by doubt, should I blame or should I apologize?

     A being can become completely insane if he has a blame AND an
apology towards the same being at the same time.

     That's not an indecision you see, he will be blaming (punishing)
AND apologizing (punishing self) full time.

     ANDS kill sanity, like cyanide kills rats.

     HOW TO RUN JUSTICE, BLAME, APOLOGY AND INDECISION

     So the basic law here is emotional numbness is the result of
withheld or refused apology.

     There are a number of flows that can go on which if not handled
will make the various parties VERY SICK on both sides of the war.

          Child trying to get an apology from the parent.
          Parent refusing to give an apology to the child.
 
          Child trying to give an apology to the parent.
          Parent refusing to accept apology from the child.
 
          Parent trying to get an apology from the child.
          Child refusing to give an apology to the parent.

          Parent trying to give an apology to the child.
          Child refusing to accept an apology from the parent.

      We run this as follows:

      When NO won't run although it obviously should, use REFUSED
instead.

      Spot NO   apology.
      Spot SOME apology.

      Spot NO   indecision on apology.
      Spot SOME indecision on apology.

      Spot NO   blame.
      Spot SOME blame.

      Spot NO   indecision on blame.
      Spot SOME indecision on blame.

      Spot NO   blame AND apology.
      Spot SOME blame AND apology.

      Spot NO   injustice.
      Spot SOME injustice.

      Spot NO   dependency.
      spot SOME dependency.

      For the rest of these, ideal can be replaced by perfect,
or best possible.

      Spot NO   ideal mother.
      Spot SOME ideal mother.

      Spot NO   ideal father.
      Spot SOME ideal father.

      Spot NO   ideal son.
      Spot SOME ideal son.

      Spot NO   ideal daughter.
      Spot SOME ideal daughter.

     The above can be run between parent and child, or any other
terminals of import in your preclear's life.  By import we mean a
dependency where justice and fair exchange went awry.

     The word sympathy can be substituted for 'an apology' in the above
processes and should be, on a second run through.  This process alone
can keep a person from killing themselves from hysteria.

     The suppressive is the terminal who is refusing to apologize or
give sympathy for a true wrong, but engages in justification to cover up
themselves instead.

     Probably the only thing wrong with a criminal is he never
apologized.  But then neither did his parents.

     Suppressiveness is not necessarily a chronic condition, both sides
will act suppressively when surprised by their own over reactions during
moments of perceived injustice.

     But suppressiveness can become chronic if the
justification/restraint process is allowed to continue and is not
resolved through apology, sympathy and good will again.

     Generally the being will want to know where the over reaction that
controlled him unexpectedly came from, and he will need auditing on the
earlier incident that became restimulated.

     Most of these will be almost unconfrontable for how horrific they
were.

     But the end result of running them out will be tears and laughter
again.

     IN SUMMARY

     Getting the first time that the child chose to deploy becoming
sick, disabled or accident prone in order to handle a suppressive
parent, and visa versa, will clear the
injustice/anger/regret/justification/restraint cycle out of the
relationship, and produce a dependency release.

     Remember both parent and child will have 'started it'
independently, and both will have continued it once the other started
it.

     Who started it first is not relevant, and both are nailed to their
crosses from THEIR OWN lunacy not the lunacy of the other.

     What you are looking for is perceived injustice, anger, regret of
anger, followed by justification, no sympathy and failed or refused
apology.

     It wasn't what the parent did to the child that aberrated him into
a state of permanent unhealingness, it was what the child did to himself
when the 'reason/anger/deceit' cycle was put into play.

     The way to happiness is a true confession all around.

     END PHENOMENA

     E/P 1 is a well and happy human being, no longer suffering from
computational dependencies and free from deployed somatics or chronic
unwanted disabilities or conditions.

     E/P 2 is adequate and sufficient to his own survival with a body.

     E/P 3 No longer making other's wrong or justifying self for one's
own misdeeds.  Able and willing to apologize for anything whether he did
it or not, no longer stuck in an indecision or an AND on blame or
apology.

     E/P 4 No longer needs, but can receive and give sympathy and
apologies freely.  Able and willing to be wrong, willing for others to
have been wrong.

     E/P 5 Able to spot and not get involved in other's continuing
insanities, justifications and restraints, make wrongs, covert
hostilities towards themselves, or withheld/refused apologies.

     E/P 6 Able and interested in raising sane children who can raise
sane children.

     E/P 7 Never had a bad parent, and can't imagine what a bad parent
is.

     E/P 8 Desire is sovereign on the second dynamic (families).
 
     Sovereign desire means desire = have.

     Homer

     HELP Part 0, TRIAD 
     http://www.clearing.org/cgi/archive.cgi?/homer/help0
     HELP Part 1, DESIRE AND VIEW
     http://www.clearing.org/cgi/archive.cgi?/homer/help1
     HELP Part 2, DEPENDENCY
     http://www.clearing.org/cgi/archive.cgi?/homer/help2
     HELP Part 3, PRIDE
     http://www.clearing.org/cgi/archive.cgi?/homer/help3
     HELP Part 4, SUMMARY TO DATE
     http://www.clearing.org/cgi/archive.cgi?/homer/help4
     HELP Part 5, PRIDE BY DYNAMICS
     http://www.clearing.org/cgi/archive.cgi?/homer/help5
     HELP Part 6, STATURE
     http://www.clearing.org/cgi/archive.cgi?/homer/help6
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer Wilson Smith     The Paths of Lovers    Art Matrix - Lightlink
(607) 277-0959 KC2ITF        Cross            Internet Access, Ithaca NY
homer@lightlink.com    In the Line of Duty    http://www.lightlink.com
Sat Dec 12 01:38:45 EST 2009