Heidrun Beer (hBeer@SGMT.AT) wrote:


     I have the sad duty to inform you of the death of my husband,
Paul Smith, this morning around 9:25, from a sepsis that two hospitals
could not find the reason for in 3 weeks!

     Paul lived from 25-05-1936 until 16-02-2007.  A professional
bachelor who thoroughly enticed the lady world for his first 62 years,
he fulfilled the prediction of a fortune teller that he would meet
somebody special late in his life, when we first met in 1998 and from
there on have not really been separated anymore.  Could not separate,
actually, because we connected on every level and soon formed a unity
that would span any space between our physical forms.

     Until now!

     Paul made a complete change from a lady's man to a family father.
He was a sports teacher and english coach for everybody, he took care
of my 4 complicated kids, he took care of the cat, the rabbits, the
chickens and his workaholic wife - and enjoyed every minute of it.

     He didn't need a movie screen or a TV tube.  He had the talent to
see the comedy even in harsh situations in life and entertain
everybody with the comic situations that he saw...  until now.

     But the funny face was only one of his facettes.  He was also a
natural auditor (with a Class 6 training) and had the greatest empathy
of all the men that I have met.

     "Only a carpenter" and "only a grade 4", he had a spiritual
understanding that spanned the universe, he was a gifted telepath and
had OT abilities.  He could discuss the most complicated spiritual
concepts while shoveling chicken shit.  When I was at a loss of words
to explain a bold and new spiritual concept, he put the words for it
into my mouth - reading my mind, or extrapolating from my attempts to
express my thoughts - who knows.

     Also: in a time where I suffered from unmock and rejection as a
woman, he was a lover with the selflessness of an angel and the
vocabulary of an XXX-rated clown.  What he said would come across
funny, but what he did emanated the bliss of heaven...  until now...

     When Paul stopped smoking in 2000 after 46 years of only one pack
a day, he already knew about his lung emphysema.  Actually he knew it
already in 1998 when we met.  He promised to stop smoking then, but it
took him 3 years to finally get rid of the addiction.
     Lung emphysema (or COPD) is a disease where air bubbles form in
the lung.  These bubbles have no function and reduce breathing
efficiency.  It does not always come from smoking, but smoking is the
most prominent cause.

     Emphysema does not heal, it is only possible to slow down its
progress by stopping cigarettes, and by other measures.  In its most
severe form, a patient's oxygen production is reduced so much that he
depends on external oxygen from a bottle and even then becomes
physically weak and disabled.

     During the last half year, Paul's health deteriorated.  All the
things that made up his life burned away like the millimeters of a
cigarette.  The bike riding that he loved went up in smoke.  The
mountain hiking that he loved went up in smoke.  He had to give up the
firewood sawing, an activity that had kept him fit for many years even
with a lung full of bubbles.

     Being a chicken farmer became too much effort.  In the middle of
our moving house he had to give up the chauffeur's job because he was
exhausted and in pain.  Lovemaking went up in smoke - a planned
romantic evening ended with fever chills and first aid.  Then, tending
to the furnace.  Cooking, shopping, driving the kids - all went up in

     Finally, he was a patient - first without, then with the already
mentioned oxygen bottle -, and we had to shop and cook for him and
drive him to his doctors.  He hated that role.  He always wanted to
contribute, but the abilities for it had disappeared together with his
lung tissue.

     Without enough oxygen, the food he ate just went through his body
and he became a skeleton, just skin and bones, unbelievable.  Without
enough oxygen, a cheerful and blissful presence turned into such agony
that even watching it was painful.

     Without enough oxygen, with the immune system compromised and
zero reserves in body weight, a little wound that the doctors couldn't
even find poisoned him to death.

     I cannot find the words to express my loss.  It is not a loss
really, I have been ripped apart in the middle and I am bleeding.

     I lost contact to Paul soon after I found him hovering as an
incredibly beautiful warm shine over his dead body in the hospital.
There was a precious exchange between us in these moments, but soon
afterwards he got interested in some new things and he went his own

     To me, he was an angel who had reached for me out of heaven.
Even with his black humor and dirty jokes, he filled a room with the
bliss of heaven.  Loving him was touching God.

     When Paul left, heaven closed right before my eyes and I can no
longer see it connecting with Earth.  In theory, there may be some
more people like him - not many, just some.  In practice, I will
probably never meet them.

     Please, any of you readers who still smoke, think about it!

Heidrun Beer

Workgroup for Fundamental Spiritual Research and Mental Training

Homer Wilson Smith     The Paths of Lovers    Art Matrix - Lightlink
(607) 277-0959 KC2ITF        Cross            Internet Access, Ithaca NY
homer@lightlink.com    In the Line of Duty    http://www.lightlink.com

Fri Feb 16 21:13:53 EST 2007