subj : super scio tech - CASE PERSPECTIVE

     Three posts describe the trouble I had from OSA.  They are "BLACK

     Here I am going to dicuss what happened case wise and tie this
together with the key technical discovery discussed in my post titled

     You are creating your own reality.  But it is not under your
conscious control, it is being done by the subconscious.  The reactive
mind is a small subset of what is going on down there.  See "TRUTH
REVEALED" for more on this.

     Under heavy hypnosis, the subconscious can be given orders and it
will beging to create and manifest the things that it has been told.

     In my case, OSA kept pushing the button of my being rejected
during the pain-sex-drug-hypnosis that they used on me in November of

     Their standard script has a section that they tailor to the
victim to bring about what they want.  In my case they were aiming at
suicide and rejection.

     Now the way this works is that the subconscious believes that the
item, rejection in my case, is desirable (it thinks that the thetan
wants it) and begins to bring it about in the probability wave that
manifests reality.  In other words, it is not just sitting there in
your head making you feel like you are rejected.  It is actively out
there bending probability and chance meetings into situations that
will contain rejection.

     With this thing working in my subconscious, I managed to actually
get rejected by over a thousand women.  The odds were unbelieveable.
But I'm getting ahead of the story.

     Right after the rape, I was in terrible shape.  I had no idea
what happened, but I had done a total reverse flip from day into night
over the course of a weekend.

     Years later, while running through the incident yet again, I
found that I had a near death experience during the rape.  I might
have had a heart attack or simply abandoned the body because I was
horrified by the situation and wanted to die.  And then it seems like
I went down the famous tunnel to the light and the 7 benevolent
entities (pretty girls in my case), told me to go back.  And I refused
and said why should I.  And they said, "Go back and make love to a
beautiful woman".  And I said "and then what?".  And they said, "then
the next step will be revealed." And that bit of help short circuited
the suicide command, because whenever my subconscious would start
telling me to kill myself, I would think that I should get laid

     After a homosexual rape, the natural impulse is to make love with
a woman to reassert your heterosexual.  And, at least in my case, this
would have to be affectionate and a prostitute would not do any good
at all.

     I didn't clearly remember, but deep down I sort of knew and the
combination of the near death experience and the need to be
heterosexual and my natural liking of women combined into an
overwhelming need for sex.

     What I knew consciously at the end of November 1999, was that I
had suddenly begun feeling super needy sexually and felt like a
horrible reject and felt terrible in general.

     My immediate impulse was to process this out.  My thought was
that maybe I could take some charge off and then attract a girlfriend.

     And I ran tons of processes, many of them aimed at the area of
sex, and learned lots of things and found endless incidents but in the
end I got nowhere.  I'd put in over a hundred hours and I run fast,
spotting things and having cognitions and often keying out the
horrible feelings of grief and misery sometimes for as much as an hour
before it all collapsed back in on me.  And I didn't get within a mile
of the OSA incident and the rejection button was so overcharged and
unreal that rejection wouldn't read or bite in processing and only
seemed like a natural fact of life.

     That is what really broke me.  I had had tremendous faith in the
tech.  And I was using everything that's in modern Scientology, and
all the old stuff that they don't use anymore, and lots of other
things that I figured out myself.  And it was not working.

     You might say that I was PTS to OSA and too overwhelmed to make
any case gain.  And you could also say that I was desperate.

     I noticed that I used to be able to raise my havingness even by
simply doing mockup processes (subjective have requires a high case
level) but after Nov 99, even touching the wall (or hitting it) did
not raise my havingness (objective have usually works on everyone).
So something was really wrong.

     And lots of Freezone auditors also volenteered and gave me
sessions but it was like a joke not getting anywhere neer what was

     And I did learn lots of abstract stuff, the most significant of
which is that sex goes back much earlier than I would have imagined.
Basic is separation from static and we don't rejoin because that
defeats basic purpose (adding to the richness of creation) but we do
feel incomplete, so the first solution is to partially join with each
other, intertwinning each other's space, energy, and creations, and
that is sex in its original form.

     But it was all hopeless and processing just seemed to increase
the charge and restimulation.  So eventually I gave up on the tech
totally and began simply to chase girls.  And that's when I began to
accumulate those thousands of rejections.

     So I began to concentrate more on the physical.  Make myself look
better, learn dancing, hang around with guys who get girls and
immitate their style etc.

     And I did eventually find the rape incident and reconstruct the
hypnotic script.  And it helped a bit.  I stopped having the shakes
and even had a few wins with women.  But it didn't help enough and I
went back to working on becoming attractive.

     Then I ended up in the coma (Nov 2001) and wound up even more
repulsive with a horrible colostomy (Dec 2001 to July 2003) but
finally that was handled and I was back on the road to becoming

     And by 2005 I had pretty much made it.  I looked a hundred times
better, I dressed sexy instead of nerdy, I danced well (girls would
ask me to dance), I talked well, I was connected with the movie
industry and known to be a great romantic pianist and had a great
reputation.  And still couldn't get girls except as friends.  They
would like me and be nice to me and then sleep with someone else.  It
was like clockwork.  And I went out almost every night of the week and
always got the same story, but I couldn't stop because any time I
backed down and stopped trying, the suicide impulses would begin to
start up.

     But I realized that it must be something other than just the
physical because guys who were seriously repulsive would get lucky
occasionally and I had a truely unbelievable failure rate.  Therefore
it had to be some sort of reverse psychic phenomena where I was
creating rejection.  And so I took a deep breath and plunged into case

     I realized that I couldn't mockup girls wanting me physically.
It was a total blank spot.  I could imagine them wanting me for other
reasons (philosophy, money, attention, etc.) and putting up with sex,
but not actually wanting sex.  And I had lots of evidence to the
contrary and could see intellectually that girls did like to have sex
with me but I could not feel it emotionally and I could not mock it

     And I'm really good with mockups.

     And I hadn't even noticed the blank spot.

     And I could (and had in the past), easily repeat affirmations
that I was attractive and girls wanted me etc.  but it had no effect
because I knew that it was only in my head.  It was only the true
mockup of putting it out there (in girls) that was blocked.

     So I began to work on it.

     It took over a week, gradually approaching it and doing partial
mockups and convincing myself that I could until I managed to really
put it out there and get it to run as a process that I could flatten.

     Things changed in the real world.  Instantly and spectacularly.
Everything was totally different the next time I went into a club.  I
had a beautiful week, with girls falling all over me.

     And then everything else in my life went wrong.  Quickly and
spectacularly.  The backlash was obvious and powerful.  And I didn't
lose the gain I had made.  Just every other aspect of my life began to
have trouble.

     What I didn't see then was that my subconscious was continuously
creating rejection.  And I went in with brute force and pushed it into
creating girls that accepted me instead of rejecting me.  And so the
poisonous rejection had splashed out of its normal place and hit other
things in my life.

     Note that when the subconsious creates someone rejecting (or
accepting) you, it goes out there into the flux and someone else may
slide into it, usually because their subconscious is creating the
other side of that role.  So it is not that you are creating the other
thetan, but other thetans slide into the roles that you are creating
for them.

     I only found this last factor a few weeks ago (April 2007) and
I'm working now to errase this continuous creation of rejection.

     Confront and knowing are the key to everything.

     Best, The Pilot aka Ken Ogger

Wed May 30 14:51:35 EDT 2007